 Freaks and Geeks:So, we went to Venice Beach yesterday... Bobby's been wanting to go for awhile. Some time back, we decided that we've lived in Southern California all our lives --a place that people from all over the world love to visit-- and yet we have never seen many of the sights. We've also been trying to save money by not going on a big vacation. Therefore, we came to the conclusion that we could take many mini-vacations from work (Thurs-Mon) and check out some of the truly interesting things to see right in our own backyard! Its been working out great. For anyone who has never been to Venice Beach, I can tell you, it was pretty interesting. The weather was fantastic, truly beautiful, the kind that postcards are made of. There were many, many freaks and several geeks (including Bobby and me!!!). I saw more dred locks than I've ever seen in my entire life and some pretty amazing tattoos! Muscle Beach was almost vacant but the street performers were really interesting including one acrobatic-type show that impressed the bejeezers out of me --a guy did a front flip over 10 people!!! on the concrete!!!! without a mat!!! or a spotter!!!! Eeeek!!!Other things I saw: --a guy with all the hair on his head shaved except two little "horns" sticking up dyed red and tattoos of flames coming up both calves offering to let people take a pic with him for money--a perfectly typical-looking African American man late 50s wearing a polo shirt, also offering to let people take a pic with him for money--several street vendors selling anti-Bush/anti-war stuff--a little-person with no legs, maneuvering himself with his hands laying tummy-down on a skateboard (he was quick too)--the rattiest, dirtiest looking clown you could ever imagine (honestly, it looked like he'd been sleeping in a trash can for years) offering to make balloon animals for a dollar --I didn't see any takers--a man selling reggae kid's music: think "Itsy, Bitsy Spider" Marley style, it was actually kind of cool, I was thinking about buying a CD but for some reason didn't--at least 10 tattoo/piercing businesses in a 1/2 mile and at least as many people selling incenseAnd, probably the most memorable: --a unhealthily over-tanned guy wearing skin-tight dolphin shorts and nothing else with a cardboard sign reading "fat girlfriend needs cheeseburger, donations accepted"Anyway, it was lots of fun and, other than having to pay $20 to park, a fairly inexpensive outing. I'd strongly recommend it to others as a great diversion.
 Summer Solstice Many people are aware that summer solstice is the longest day of the year (the day with the most sunlight) and the first official day of summer. In the northern hemisphere it falls on June 21 or 22. It also happens to be our anniversary!!!
This year's was kind of a special one because June 21 marked our 21st year of marriage! It was a very nice day although pretty low key. We actually ended up going to one of those Indian casinos and playing video roulette. OK, I know that may not sound like fun to everyone but it was GREAT! Very relaxing and takes absolutely no thought and very little planning --the less brain power needed for fun, the better I always say! We've been trying not to use up too much vacation and save money and stuff so we've been taking this mini breaks from work Thurs--Mon, return to work on Tues. Its amazing how much more pleasant the work week is if you only have to work M-W, take off 5 days, then work T-F. Yeah!!!!! Totally makes life bearable again!
 16 mos. I'm not sure what to think today, the day that marks 16 long mos since our LID. Who would have or could have ever imagined that at this point in time we would be in the middle of our wait?? It seems to almost defy belief. Amazingly, the families who will get their referrals next were only logged in 3 mos after us but we will likely not recieve a referral until 10 mos after them! In a way, it feels good to have so many months marked off and only 98 more LIDs before ours to be referred. But, on the other hand, its hard to believe that we originally started this process in September 2005. That seems like so long ago. When we filed our application with the agency, Breatt was only 15 and Casey was 13 and, more importantly, I was only 39! Ok, that does feel like a long time ago. The homestudy sw is coming over on sunday to do the update, she should be here about 15 mins or less. Let's see if she manages to piss me off in that limited amount of time. Last time it only took a few mins, she might be able to break her record this time. I'm not looking forward to doing all the crap it takes to renew and I'm not looking forward to spending another $1500 for the pleasure. But, what can you do. Speaking of money, it appears that airline tix prices are going through the roof. Probably a combination of summer, general fuel prices, and just overall increase in prices in China. I can only imagine how expensive things will be if we travel just before the Olympics, which is what I expect. More fun.
I love blogthings! Its so fun! | Your Vocabulary Score: A- | 
Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary!
You must be quite an erudite person. |
Click on the link above to test yourself if you want. I must have missed one :-( I betcha it was phlegmatic, what the heck does that mean? Hold on, I'll be right back... Yup! that was the one, just checked it out on dictionary.com
 REFERRALS ARE OUT --A WHOPPING (NOT) SIX DAYS WORTH!!! Holy Crap!!! This is getting ridiculous. Of course, because of the safety of my pessimistic nature, I was only hoping/expecting that they would get through 11/8/05 --that being RQ's bad case scenario. So, this news doesn't sting too much. What does sting is this... I called my homestudy agency about renewing today, looks like it's going to cost about $545 for the I600, $500-700 for the update, another $50 or so for new meds, $240 for new prints, we'll need another notary, etc, etc. I guess it will end up being about $1300-1500 --how stupid is that??? Oh well, I guess at this point, its just money... So, what does this latest batch do to the estimate for our referral? There's a website, www.chinaadoptionforecast.com that uses some kind of computer program to estimate based on the history of referrals. Here's what mine says today:
"Our prediction for LID 2006-02-13
Our best guess - a weighted average
of recent CCAA velocities, guessing that CCAA will perform about as well in the
future as they are performing now, but might return to previous trends: 2008-01-16
That's our best guess
for when you might receive your referral. Just at a guess, we can suppose that
the CCAA either speeds up or slows down significantly, and show you those dates.
If they speed up: 2007-11-16.
And if they slow down: 2009-03-20."
Uggh!! Before this last 6-day batch of referrals, their "best guess" for our LID was 12/10/07 --not that I believed that for even one second. I'm sticking with my own "best guess" of May 2008 for the time being. Its that "And if they slow down: March 20, 2009" that scares me!!! Its been a tough week all around in a lot of ways. When it gets like this, I feel like running away or going to bed and pulling the covers up over my head for about a month. Well, on to next month I guess. The next batch should show up right after July 4th holiday, I'd imagine. 98 more LIDs to ours, sigh. So here are the babies. Congrats to all the happy new families!
 BOOK REVIEW: The Good Women of China by Xinran Xue Just finished reading this book last night. I started it a while back and was reading it a little at a time. It was my "work" book meaning I would read it while I waited for my opponents to show up. The reason I mention this is that I think it would have been better read more consistently. The book was written by a woman who was a journalist of some acclaim in Beijing who did a radio broadcast addressing the issues and lives of women. The stories are heartwrenching and surreal in that the lives that many of these women have led are so far removed from my own that its somewhat difficult to connect to them. Interestingly, no matter how troublesome the facts of these women's lives, the author presents them with great respect and intentionally avoids portraying them as victims or people in need of pity. The final chapter tells the story of the women of Shouting Hill circa 1995. Shouting Hill is described as being located in a very remote and exceptionally poor area of China where water is scarce and some have never seen a car. The women of this area are treated as work horses whose primary purpose is to bear male heirs and care for their husbands. After giving birth to a son they were treated to a "feast" of a single egg mixed with sugar and water. No such prize awaited the women who gave birth to a daughter. This area was so poor that the families did not have enough clothing for all the children. Male children had a set of clothes but daughters were required to share a single set of outerwear forcing them to only go out of the house in shifts. In this village the men described conjugal relations as "using" their wives. Some poorer families could not afford a wife for each son so they shared a single wife, "using" her in turn in hopes of her giving birth to a son each year. The story of the women of Shouting Hill is absolutely bizarre. What is even more strange is that the author is describing the lifestyle of these women in 1995 and not 1595! I so wonder what has happened in this little village in the last 12 years since the author's visit. Have the lives of these women improved? Are the little girls the author met then now living lives where they are being passed around as a shared wife? We know of course that China is exploding but has that explosion reached remote Shouting Hill? Are these women still being treated as cattle? I googled but couldn't find any additional information. I cannot say I enjoyed this book, rather it is more accurate to say that I'm glad that I read it and I would recommend it to others. The stories are so sad and yet the women seem very accepting that their lives were what they were. They don't seem to harbor anger over their mistreatments and often seemed to distance themselves from their own story. I, on the other hand, am haunted by them. (5 stars)
 Mother's Day & 15 month LID-versary:It was a nice day. I woke up to find gifts!! Bobby got me a swarovski crystal ladybug (pictured to the left) and a really pretty pillow with silk ribbon embroidery on it. I'm not big into "ladybug sitings" but I do think ladybugs are cute and had noticed the little crystal bug at a local gift shop recently. You can't tell from this pic but it is tiny, about 3/4" in length. Its so cute, I love it!! It also happened to mark exactly 15 mos that our dossier has been logged in at CCAA. 15 mos down and ??? more to go! Bobby had to work this morning so I went with Casey and my mom to Victoria Gardens to see Spiderman 3. Casey thought it was dumb. My mom and I both thought it was cute and fun! Then, Brett met as for lunch at Sisley's, a new italian place right by the movie theater. Because we went to an early movie and I had made reservations for lunch, we ended up having to do absolutely NO waiting! It was great. That's the part of going out on Mom's Day that I normally hate --the waiting. Then, we went to a teppan place with Bobby's mom, Jimmy and Sandra for dinner. It was nice. Overall a very pleasant day! 
So tomorrow's Mother's Day! It always makes me think about what kind of a mom I am and what my kids will think about me when they're adults and maybe have kids of their own. Of course, I also think about my future daughter and what she will be like. Last year, for Mom's Day, Bobby gave me a very sweet card that said something like "next Mother's Day, you'll be a mother of three" --we all really thought it was true at the time. But, I'm pretty sure it will be true next year. So here's to mom's!
You Are Somewhat Like Your Mom
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Believe it or not, you and your mom are pretty darn similar.
It may not seem like it at times, but you and your mom have a lot of common ground.
Over time, you'll probably get closer ... especially if you emphasize the things you like about each other.
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 The old blog got a new look!!! Of course I'm so blog ignorant that it took me literally hours to get this far. So here I am! Yeah!!
 This is pretty sad. It was 11/05 when I originally posted this "sonogram" --I didn't know how to make it a banner and I wanted it to stay at the top. So, I just changed the date of the post to 1 year later. Surely we would be home with Baby Girl by 11/06. Sadly, that date has come and gone with no Baby Girl even close. So, I've edited this post to 11/07 so it will stay on top. I'm hoping that we will have our referral by then. If not, I'm going to be REALLY bummed. I've been cleaning up my blog and making it much prettier (IMO!!). Therefore, I've decided I'm letting this go today. Its never going to happen by 11/07. I just need to move on.
You have a sunny disposition and are normally one of the first to show up for the party. You don't need too much attention from the host once you get there as you are more than capable of making yourself seen and heard.
"Trendiness" IIStacy (and others)~ I appreciate your opinions. Stacy is the only one who left her comment in the comment section, the rest PM'd me. Although you may have read it that way, I don't have an "aversion to people who adopt because it is promoted at their church" per se--but I do believe that it is a great source of the "trend" and I believe that trend will fade. The future will tell. I can appreciate the woman in Stacy's example and am hoping that the "love" of her child as an individual person will far outweigh the woman's goal of performing a charitable act and that the young girl can truly become a respected member of her family. Now, truthfully and sadly, in this young girl's situation, to be a charity case in a family who cares for her and educates her is probably a huge step up from her current living situation and hope for the future. But whether one version of a person's life is better than another version of their life is unknown and not for me to decide. And, to set the record straight, I don't really have a problem with children (bio or adopted by the way) appreciating and being thankful for their parents who have loved and cared for them. I appreciate and am thankful for my mother who cared and raised me and I hope someday my kids (bio and adopted) appreciate and are thankful for me and DH as parents. I very much appreciate them for being good kids. I met a man recently (it was a weird work situation and I had to see him a number of times over a few mos). He and his wife had adopted 4 Native American children. He was very proud of them and was telling me about their various accomplishments. It was obvious that he cared for them. He also told me, repeatedly, that adopting them was the only "charitable" "humanitarian" and "good" thing he had ever done. To me, it seemed that the appreciation of his own good deed outweighed the love he had for the children. Selfish love = personal gain. I don't think that's the right reason for adopting. But, I don't want to/get to/have to decide who can adopt and who can't based upon whether or not their reasons are the "right" ones. So, this is just my opinion. Others may differ, and that's OK.
 ADOPTING IS THE NEW BLACKInteresting. Apparantly this is a new tshirt being put out by Urban Outfitters. I've never bought anything there, never even been in one of the stores. Recently, the existence of this tshirt has caused quite a stir on the online IA groups. I was intrigued that some people thought it was "racist" --at first they didn't understand that "the new black" meant fashionable --really had to chuckle on that one!! Anyway. Once that was cleared up it still appeared that the overwhelming majority thought the tshirt was horrible, awful, and over the top offensive. I guess I'm in the mini-minority here. It just doesn't have that effect on me. Like it or not, IA has become part of the mainstream--quite suddenly really. And, its not primarily because its been going on with Korean adoptions since the 50s and thousands upon thousands of families have been created this way. Its because of Angelina Jolie, not her really, but the media's preoccupation with selling magazines that keep certain people in the public eye so that mega rich corporate movie studios can get people to go to the movies and buy the DVDs and they can make even more MONEY!!!! On another group, someone made the very accurate point that all of this media frenzy is very effective. How long ago was it that Paris What's-She-Do?? Hilton started carrying around a little dog in her purse. People and US and all the other fun to read mags had pix of it. Suddenly, little tiny purse dogs were all the rage. Target has a whole aisle devoted to cute little doggie items and accessories to go along with the pets. The onslaught of media coverage was very effective and started a huge "trend" --the trend is waning now. I see that Paris now is dragging around a new kind of creature in her bag. Hopefully all the little dogs who were bred and adopted are now still being cared for carefully and not abused or dropped off at the local shelter. Little dogs, particularly chihuahuas are a lot of work. Definition of "trendy" from dictionary.com: 1. of, in, or pertaining to the latest trend or style. 2. following the latest trends or fashions; up-to-date or chic: the trendy young generation. 3. appealing to faddish taste: a trendy hotel. –noun 4. a trendy person, place, object, or idea. [Origin: 1960–65] I know some will blast me for this, but I think IA has become a bit "trendy" --it is in "style" and commonplace to many due to the media and celebrity involvement. I know for a fact that there are people who are adopting for what I will call "THE WRONG REASONS" --on this blog I get to say what "THE WRONG REASONS" are because, well, its my blog. The wrong reason is: As a charity project --complete with church-sponsored save-an-orphan spaghetti dinner fund raisers. These are the same people who believe and say to others of China "they kill their girls there" and want to feel good about themselves about doing this charitable thing and want to be seen as saving part of the world through their actions (I'm sorry if this hurts someone's feelings but YUCK!!!) This, my cyber friends, is the trendy part. Now, if you disagree with my statement you are more than welcome to write in your own blog about how my reason is "wrong" --my reason for anyone who is still reading or even cares is: Because we want to add a member to our family
And, for the record, I believe quite strongly that the majority of people adopting do so for this reason, the right reason. They have had fertility issues, they chose adoption because they believe that they don't need to give birth to a child in order to have a child, etc. But at the core is the desire to parent and not to do a charitable act.
To those "trendy" adopters who are entering this process due to the "trend" I really hope that somewhere along the way, sooner rather than later, you get with the program. Because when your kid disappoints and frustrates you (which will happen I guarantee at some point in time cuz well, they're people) you're going to be pretty unhappy that they're not more appreciative of your charitable act.
As far as the "trend" for IA --I believe it too will pass. Eventually, AJ with or without Brad will complete her little family, people will move onto something else to talk and think about. There will be fewer links on the front page of msn.com to IA sites. People will look into it and think, wow!! that's a lot of work!
But, there will always be people who want to build their families and add a new member for whom adoption is the answer and they will do research and finally be led to IA.
Families will still be made this way but, it won't be "trendy"
Found this on someone else's blog (Thanks Nicole) --thought it was fun. Copy, paste and complete then send me a link if you want. A is for age:40 --but I will be 41 in about a month B is for Beer:Don't drink, used to, liked Corona with a lime :-) C is for Career:Attorney D is for my Dog's Name:Cat only, Delilah E is for Essential Item I Use Everyday:Internet! F is for Favorite T.V. Show:I'm a TV junkie so I have lots of fav's but I think my current fav is Rome--I love that show! G is for Favorite Game:To play: Scrabble; to watch: basketball H is for Hometown:Rancho Cucamonga I is for Instruments I Play:Piano a little bit J is for Favorite Juice:Cranberry anything K is for Whose Butt I’d Like To Kick:George Bush aka the Shrub (baby bush LOL!) --I hated Bush when hating Bush wasn't cool L is for the Last Place I Ate:Besides home?? Rambertos --hole in the wall mexican food M is for Marriage:Married 21 years N is for my Name:Susan O is for Overnight Hospital Stays:Other than when the kids were born, I was hospitalized twice as a kid for concussions P is for People I was With Today:work people Q is for Quote:"What goes around, comes around" R is for Biggest Regret:Not having more bio kids when I was younger and not adopting sooner. S is for Sport:Shopping??? T is for Time I Woke Up Today:6:00, 6:10, 6:20, 6:30 --then I got up U is for Current Underwear:White --so boring V is for Vegetable You Love:Pretty much all except zucchini --ick! W is for Worst Habit:Is grumpiness a habit? If not, then maybe biting my nails X is for X-rays I Have Had:Many. But I think we should change X to "X is for most memorable kiss" --you can just visualize if you want. Y is for Yummy Food You Ate Today:Breakfast burritos Z is for Zodiac:Gemini
 Today is Sunday. Referrals, such as they were, came out last Monday (I think. I'm kinda losing track of days here). I finally feel up to (capable of??) posting. As anyone in the China adoption world probably knows, this April batch only covered 2 days, Oct 25 and Oct 26, 2005. To say that it was a kick in the gut would be putting in mildly. This wait has been very painful but this referral batch was truly the low point. I'm not much of a crier, never have been, but this one got to me. To wait and wait is tough but to wait for something with an semi expected date that moves exponentially further and further away on a monthly basis is surely some form of torture. When I first saw the referral batch, I was numb. I mean truly when is the last time that anything positive has happened as far as the adoption goes?? We sent off our dossier on 1/20/06, we were logged in about 3 weeks later on 2/13/06. I have been telling myself we would have a referral in about 12 mos for just over 14 mos now. How can this possibly be happening?? The only thing that makes me feel better is looking at the line behind us. Honestly, those people who are being logged in now must have a lot of faith in the process. There are 111 more LIDs ahead of us but people continue to be logged in everyday. I can't imagine if my LID was 4/16/07. Imagine trying to do the count down starting at 545 LIDs ahead of you? In the last 13 mos, CCAA has only covered 5 mos of LIDs, if they continue at that same rate we should have our referral in less than a year. If they continue at that rate those logged in today might not see the face of their child until 2011!!! (Gulp!!!) Anyway, on the bright side, many families were formed with this last batch. Looking at the pix of those little babies makes the wait a little more bearable (and I mean a little). So here they are: MiaRuby MeiZoeyMilana LingElysa XiaolangLauren MingReaganTeaganClara BethSamanthaAudreyLolaMarninaChun babyMadelynSophie ElizabethMeiliCameron--boySavanahGeordyn BelleMarissa
Some 3/6/07 referrals: Shania - Fu Bao Jun, 14 mos, Fuling SWI Chongqing Waiting for Melina - Lian Ai Ning, 7 mos, Guangdong Journey to Lindsey - Lindsey Jean Zhi-bin, 10 mos, Guangdong Journey to Jaiden - Ling Qian Huhan, 10 mos, Jiangxi province For Zoey - Jin Chun Hua, 11 mos, Jiangxi Meaghan Grace - Zhu Min Zhu, 14 mos, Guangdong Table for 6 Elaina Rae - Xi Zhen Rong, 7 mos, Kunming SWi, Yunnan Ainsley's MeiMei - Yue Meng Ru, 7 mos, Jiangxi Christiana - Fu Bao Fang, 9 mos, Fuling SWI, Chongqing Countdown to Caroline! - Ling Cha Jian, 8 mos, Jiangxi Beatrice - Baohong Fu, 10 mos, Fuling SWI, Chongqing Journey to Caty - Huang Wang Cui, 7 mos, Hubei Emily & Rachel's Dad - daughter, 12 mos, Gunagdong Our Magical Mystery Tour - Fu Hao Huang, 21 mos, Hubei Bringing Home Peanut - Feng Xiaojiong, 7 mos, Fengcheng SWI, Jiangxi Here's Isabelle! - Isabelle, 14 mos, Chongqing Journey to Maya Lily - Lian Bao Yan, 11 mos, Guangdong And Mia Makes 3 - Feng Xiao Lei, 8 mos, Jiangxi MalloryJae LynCora-li
I've been thinking a lot about the infamous 5 stages of grief and sorrow. They usually pertain to grief due to the loss of a loved one by death or even divorce. But, it seems that in a way, this prolonged, unexpected and painful wait has been the death of an idea--the six months from LID to referral idea. I believe that those who were logged in at about the same time we were (11/05-3/06 or so) really got the brunt of the slow down. When we began the process, full months of referrals were still the rule --expected LID to referral 6-9 mos. Right about the time we were DTC, 1/20/06, the sh** started to hit the fan so to speak. Massive slow down. One month with 3 LID days of referrals, ouch. There is no doubt in my mind that by the time we get our referral (which, barring any additionaly slowing, should be around October or November of this year) our group will have waited longer for a referral than any other China adopters in the history of the program 20-21 mos plus the 1 month from DTC to LID. Those who logged in after us will surely wait longer but had already started to see the evidence of the slowdown. Those who were logged in before us were of course also shocked by the slowdown but ended up with waits of about 16 mos or so (still painful of course). I believe that I have experienced each stage of grief, in order, in varying degree and duration. I've certainly seen them all expressed by others in the many online groups to which I belong. The 5 stages (and my interpretation of each) are: 1. denial --"there's no way this can be happening, I refuse to believe that we will not have our referral within 6-9 mos as I was promised by my agency, the referral times will certainly speed up, these changes are merely temporary and will have little affect on us in the long run", etc. --I saw a lot of this on the boards for the first few months of the slow down. There were some people who absolutely refused to believe that wait times were lengthening, exponentially. Some on the Yahoo groups became literally incensed if anyone dared to express a belief that we, with 2/06 LID's, would not be home with our children by Halloween, and later Christmas, 2006. It was as if they believed that the mere recognition of the fact that wait times were increasing would somehow cause a longer wait. --personally, I tend to be a pragmatist, and somewhat negative and cynical by nature. I didn't live in the land of denial long at all. 2. anger --"this is ridiculous, how can CCAA be doing this to us, someone must be to blame, my agency intentionally misled me", etc. --during this next stage I read of people even considering lawsuits against their agencies. I was angry for a while, not at anyone in particular, just generally pissy. 3. bargaining (pleading) --"surely there will be a change soon, these drastic extensions in the referral process cannot go on forever, this will be the month they will speed up, the wait is due to the bird flu, the Hunan scandal, CCAA moving offices", etc. --I spent a little time here, pleading with the process, imagining how things could be different. 4. depression --this one is rather self explanatory. I've tried very hard not to get depressed but it creeps in. I've spent quite a bit of time being intermittently sad and frustrated. Sometimes it really hit me. The waiting, at times, felt so empty and even hopeless, it was actually physically painful. I think you actually would have to be in the process to truly understand this emotion. I miss and long for a person I havent' met yet. It's weird. I felt pretty sorry for myself and continually lamented the fact that we hadn't begun the process sooner. And now, I enter..... 5. acceptance --TA DA!!! "it will happen when it happens, I will get my baby when the time is right, there is nothing I can do to speed this process--I can only control my feelings and reactions/response to the process", etc. --Here I am. It's official, I have accepted that I have absolutely no control over these circumstances. I recognize the process for what it is. I no longer feel that sense of anger with the fact that the world isn't fair. I don't harbor any false hope that there will be some divine or other intervention that will magicly speed the process and I haven't shed a tear in quite awhile. OK, I've arrived. Now what?
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Technology and I have a love/hate relationship...
