"Between the wish and the thing,
life lies waiting."

~Unknown

Well, referrals came out yesterday, 9 stinking days. After the initial shock and awe I pulled another 9 paperclips off my paperclip calendar and changed my sign to 207 more LID's to be referred til mine. Ouch.

Found this on another blog:

We wait
while the snow clings
and the seeds sleep
and the earth turns.
*
We wait
while the heart sings
and the eyes weep
and the mind churns.
*
We wait
while the soul learns
that the love's deep.
So the hope springs,
as the dream burns
and the days creep
till the phone rings-
*
And she waits-

"How are you today?"
After one of the more stressful work mornings I've had in awhile, I quickly went around the drive through at the local McDonalds so I could stuff my face with some comfort food before racing off to my afternoon appearance (also guaranteed to be a nightmare). I was pretty much in my own little world-- turning up the air and fiddling with the radio while snapping my pink Razor shut as I ended a frustrating call with my son. Then, all of a sudden, there it was... the question.

It was posed by the young girl who stood beyond the window while she was placing the lid on the cup of my oh-so-desired Diet Coke. She was cute with her hair pulled back and neatly hidden under her McCap-- about 17 years old I'd reckon, if I was the "reckoning" sort. The way she asked left me with the impression that she didn't have a care in the world. That may not have been true. She may have had lots of stress gurgling behind that 17 year old smile. She may have had boyfriend problems, she may have been worried about failing highschool or not getting into the right college. She could have had horrendous family problems. Don't know. But, back to the question...

"How are you today?" she asked.

My immediate (and thankfully internal) response was "well, if you really want to know... its pretty tough here in Susanland. I'm under more pressure at this time of my life and feeling more out of control than I ever have, ever. I'm bombarded by work, parents, kids, and adoption frustrations. I'm part of the sandwich generation and I'M GETTING THE SQUEEZE! I FEEL TIRED ALL THE TIME AND SLEEP DOESN'T FIX IT!!! I'M READY TO JUMP OUT OF MY SKIN AND NOT JUMP BACK IN!!! I'M..."

"Fine, thank you" I responded, exuding calm.

I think I even managed a smile.

Its been a tough week or so. On 8/2/06 my father in law finally lost his 2 year battle with cancer. I'm going to miss him. I was going to post about it earlier, but haven't felt up to it, maybe I will later.

On the adoption front, we are now at 180 days past LID. The current wait time has increased to 13 mos and appears to be getting longer and longer. When we originally started this process, the wait was 6 mos, now some worst case scenarios have the wait stretching to 3 years!!! I think the worst case scenarios are just that "worst case" but still. The end of July referrals went through 7/13, let's hope CCAA can get through even one day of August. Even if waits stabilize meaning they start doing 30 days at a time, we would not have a referral until 2/07 and if they continue doing half months it would be August or September of 2007. Travel would likely be around Thanksgiving 2007!! That requires a serious adjustment to expectations. When we began this process, I was amusing myself with thoughts of having Baby Girl home by Christmas of this year.

The boards are filled with comments about the situation-- anger, frustration. Some people are choosing to shorten the wait by going with a Waiting Child. It may not really be intentional, it just may be that this excrutiating wait has allowed people a lot of extra time to sort through the Waiting Child lists to find the child that is perfect for them. Some are seriously considering changing programs. I continue to check the Waiting Child lists each time my agency gets one, but have not yet found our future child there. I have investigated changing programs but that does not seem like a good option for us at this time.

Korea~ rumor is they're not taking any more applications with the plan to phase out their IA program all together.

Vietnam ~was shut down a long time and just reopened. Not really too sure about this one yet. The first referrals since the program reopening are just coming home.

Russia~ seems to be having lots of problems.

Kazakstan (sp?) ~it has that 5 week in country plus I'm not very knowledgeable about the process.

Guatemala ~very expensive, seems to be going through some growing pains.

So, yeah, that brings us back to China. Not only that but I have become so China adoption focused that its hard for me to even "think outside the box" on this one. I just feel very strongly that my daughter is there. I so hope I'm right.

Today is probably the most down I've felt since the beginning of this process. We're on day 155 since LID and there is absolutely no end in sight. The wait appears to be increasing to the point where with each day that passes we get 2 days further away from a possible referral. There's lots of talk about the wait stretching out to 18 mos, 24 mos, or even longer!! What this means, among other things, is that we would be required to redo our immigration forms at a cost of about $1500 plus update our homestudy (don't know what this will cost yet). Other costs will likely follow. Besides the cost, I wonder at what point we will determine that this plan will not be feasible for our family. When do we say "enough is enough?" I know we're not there yet and waiting an extra year sucks but is still doable. But at some point, if the wait times continue to increase to ridiculous times, we may need to reconsider. As I type those words I feel the tears start. I've pretty much had a pit in my stomach all day long. I want so badly to be Baby Girl's mommy. I have already invested so much into this process and I'm not talking money. The things that have kept me going the last few months ie. shopping and planning for nursery decor, looking at names, reading other's blogs, surfing the yahoo groups, etc. just don't seem to be alleviating the stress of "the wait." I think it must be a common feeling because the number of posts on the groups per day has really decreased.

I can only imagine how much more difficult this must be for couples who do not yet have children. Some people have suffered through years of infertility and failed domestic and international adoptions. I experience my own sadness and know that theirs must be ten-fold. But, for today, I guess I don't have enough room at my pity party to invite them

Today's a bad day.

I am worth $1,696,578 on HumanForSale.com

Apparantly. Interestingly, I got a $2500 increase in value for watching TV "often" --that's kind of weird.

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger. You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause. You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you! A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

I love this graphic, its just so cute! Our DTC group has started a weekly book club, sort of. Each week a new children's book is posted. Many people don't have any children's books yet so its a good way for them to get started. But, for me, its a way to learn about some new books and authors. I'm a book lover, for sure.

Reading to my boys was such a big part of their childhood. Every evening after their bath we would sit down and read books. Over and over. Dr Seuss and some of my other fav's The Owl and the Pussycat, Can't you Sleep Little Bear, and these funny little Patrick books. Of course, there were those nights when it was like, ok, let's read the shortest book possible. That's when you go straight for the one-minute-bedtime-story book LOL! Then, as children do, they got older and they would read to me. Bedtime story became less and less frequent until it stopped all together. Now, I can hardly get my kids to give me a nod when I come in the door. They're busy, doing their own thing and, on one hand, that's good. They're becoming adults and gaining independence, separating themselves a little so they can go out and live their own lives. But it makes me sad.

Thing is, even though I enjoyed evening story time for the most part, I also sometimes thought of it as drudgery. I didn't really feel like doing it all the time. Not just story time but lots of the little kid stuff. I didn't realize then what I realize now, which is, kids are only little for such a short time. Enjoy it!!!

I can't wait to read stories to Baby Girl.

Today was Father's Day. Its a day that, throughout my life, I have paid very little attention to. I've never really had a father--Mother's Day has always been the biggie in my life. I've spent most of my life thinking that having a male parental unit didn't matter and it wasn't really necessary for one's happiness. I've always thought, and said, that I was so glad that in my life I had no father rather than a crappy one. So many of the people I've known have had fathers who were drunks, or creeps, or whatever.

I'm starting to question my long held beliefs. I'm not sure if its because I see how lucky my kids are to have a "dad" or if it has something to do with the amount of thought I've given to my future daughter never knowing her birthparents. Its possible that its merely related to my general sad state about all the things in my life over which I have no control. In any event, much has been written and discussed on the online groups about how our children will more than likely feel a sense of loss associated with never knowing their birthparents or having any information about them. I suppose if we're making comparisons that, on one hand, I'm way ahead of the game. I know and have met the person who contributed 50% of my DNA. I can look in the mirror and see the evidence--my very fair skin and very dark hair. So I have a "father"--I'm grounded in my sense of heredity. But I never had a "dad." The sperm donor left my life just after I entered kindergarten so he never really learned anything about me, or me about him. He didn't witness my sorrow in the sad times of my life or share in my joy at the highpoints. So even though I have the visual, the shell, there's nothing really of substance to the memory. Who is he? Who was he? I don't know.

Baby Girl will never have a "father" --she will never have a photo or a visual memory of either of her birthparents. She will never be able to look into the mirror and see a resemblance to someone who's come before. But, she will have a "dad." She will have someone to read her stories, pick her up when she cries, sit in the front row at her school holiday program, and cheer for her from the sidelines of her chosen sport.

To me it seems abundantly clear that having a "dad" is immeasurably better than having just a "father." There are some people who do not share this opinion. Many anti adoption people and, yes, they do exist, think that the biological connection is paramount. That it is paramount to happiness to share genes with a known entity.

I wonder what Baby Girl will think.

New Yahoo Group! Hello all. I've done it! I have been so enjoying participating in the OHGWQ --One Hundred Good Wishes Quilt yahoo group. For a while I've been thinking about starting a similar type group to swap themed scrapbook pages. So the other day, I did it. Donna, a fellow waiting mom, had put together this logo when I proposed Ladybug Hunters as a name for our DTC group. The group ended up going with a different name but when I decided to start the group I emailed Donna and asked if it would be OK if I used the logo. Not only did she say "yes" but she became my first official member! For anyone who's interested in getting more info you can check out the group at this address:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LadybugHuntersScrapbookingClub/

Lordy, lordy, look who's 40!!! That's right, its me. Ok, so I've heard 40 is the new 30. Truthfully, I don't feel a darn bit different. But, I am 40 nonetheless. I'm certainly happier now than I was when I was 30 --I'm just older. More gray hair to contend with.

When I think about these ever increasing wait times, which latest worst case scenarios place at possible 18 mos, I start to think about how old we're going to be when she gets here. With Brett and Casey, we were the young parents, always. Now, we will be those old parents. The ones that people talk to and when they walk away the conversation goes on stating or guessing at our advanced ages. Egads!

Anyway, happy birthday to me.

BROWN ENVELOPE!!! My goodness, what a plain thing it looks to be. I'll try to post a pic if I can. I really had decided we were not going to get one. It seemed like the only people still getting them were LID after ours but there it was in the mailbox, waiting for me when I got home!!!

Also, today marks exactly 100 days since we were LID. Everyone on the online groups seems pretty depressed about the wait times stretching out. Interestingly, I believed the rumors last week. So I have had a whole week to get used to the idea. I'm not happy but I am resigned to wait however long it takes. I know it will happen. There's also a rumor on the Dec DTC site that someone with a 12/05 LID was asked for additional information. Its plausible that Dec is in the review room now. If true, it would mean that we're getting close to review ourselves.

I want Baby Girl here.

Well, today it has been exactly 60 days since our LID. Assuming a 12 month, 365 day wait until referral, we are 16-1/2% of the way through. We will be 25% there on May 15th~~ 50% there on August 13th and 75% there on Nov 13th. That's the way I plan on wading through this wait, one day closer at a time!!

This is a picture of my "word cloud" ~~they are really fun to make. I guess you can order T~shirts and stuff too but I just thought I'd post it here.

WE HAVE A LID!!!! REMEMBER THE DATE, MARK IT ON YOUR CALENDAR, THIS IS IT!!! DRUM ROLL PLEASE...... FEBRUARY 13, 2006 !!!!!!!!

I have chosen to type in pink today to match my "tickled pink" mood!!!! Honestly, I cannot believe it. I have been checking the boards numerous times per day for at least 6 weeks waiting to hear some news. In fact, I feel sorry for those who have to hang out with me. I've been mopey and uncharacteristically quiet (at times). Yesterday, I was so busy at work and completely distracted by an issue that had taken place with Brett that I had no time. I came in to work super early (for me that's 5 o'clock folks) and decided to relax for a few minutes with my morning yogurt and BAM!!! I read that we have our LID's. The post came out on the agency site yesterday at around noon.

I had a very strong suspician that our LID was going to be Valentine's Day. There were many reasons for this. I had been keeping close track of the DTC vs. LID of others and their various agency policies re: when and how they translate, etc. Plus, I just thought how fun it would be to be LID on heart day but I am thrilled to have it even one day earlier than expected. If CCAA continues to send our partial month referrals, that one day could affect our referral by a month. And, if they ever speed up a little and go back to even 1/2 months at least we're in the first half of the month. There is a website isorumors.blogspot.com written by a women who calls herself the Rumor Queen. She is carefully documenting the referral process to try to figure out all sorts of things us waiting parents are interested in like... How long will referrals actually take? What exactly has caused the slowdown? Is CCAA really still referring out as many children as before? etc, etc, etc. She says her most recent info is that the referral process should not extend past the 12 month mark. That would mean that our referral (when you get the picture and medical info) would come in by Feb 2007 and we would likely be traveling to China around April 2007. I really hope her rumors are correct. I can live with that. Late last week there were rumors floating around that the referral process might actually extend to 18 months!!! OUCH!!! Let's hope the old rumors are wrong and the new rumors are right.

Anyway, we are "officially" 47 days into our wait for Baby Girl!!! If the 12 month timeline is correct we would have 318 days left to wait until we receive a picture of our daughter. Wow!!! Plus on the weird-things-to-think-about side this means that somewhere in China, a birthmother is likely carrying the little girl that will someday be our child. The babies are an average of 11 mos old at referral meaning with a Feb referral she would be born in April, that's next month.... It is possible that she's already been born but she definitely exists in one form or another. Plays with the brain.

Today has not been a great day for the CAC (Chinese Adopting Community). Why? you may ask. Well, it's referral time and it's not looking good. I was reading back my post from 2/18 and noticed that at that time I was reporting that referrals were to cover LID's 5/13/05 -->?? Those question marks turned out to be 5/25. OUCH!! Only 10 days of referrals. When we started this process in September 2005 referrals came out about once a month and referred about a month of LID's. Sometimes more, sometimes a little less. Today, the rumor mill is now quoting that March referrals will only cover LID's 5/26-5/30 or maybe 5/31. Bigger ouch!!! It really seems as though the entire process has coming to a screeching halt. There's lots of speculation as to why this may be the case ie. abnormally huge, historic level high dossiers in May, the Hunan baby trafficking problems, etc. It seems like maybe its a combination of things. But, whatever it is, it is completely outside of my control. Realization of that fact did not stop me from feeling pretty sad today. I had put in my mind a worse case scenario of Feb 2007 for travel. My worst case scenario needs to be amended. It could be April or even later... I know that it will eventually happen and I'm trying to look on the bright side and see the positives of more time but still the uncertainty of it all does get to me sometimes. Today is one of those times.

I posted to my Yahoo group a list of potential positives for having a longer wait. Among them were:
1. More time to work on my Mandarin
2. More time to save money for trip and SHOPPING
3. More time to work on nursery and shop for baby items
4. More time to learn to quilt well enough that I actually make the Good Wishes Quilt and have it ready by the time that Baby Girl gets here
5. More time to read all the adoption related books I've purchased and am still interested in.
6. If we don't travel til summer there would be no reason for Brett to not make the trip with us!! (This is the only one I really like)

I could go on but you get the point. The problem with the list is each "positive" generally starts with "more time" which, of course, means more time waiting, waiting for Baby Girl. Like I said, I'm kinda down. Sorry if you were looking for a little pick me up, it's not happening here today.

100 Good Wishes Quilt: I have been told, there is a tradition in parts of China that in order to give a child a good start in life, a quilt is created from fabrics provided by friends and family. Each of these fabrics are supposed to represent a good wish for the child's future. It is very popular in the Chinese adoption community to create these 100 good wishes quilts. The way its done is that people send a 8" or so square of fabric along with a wish for the child's future. The squares are made into a quilt and the wishes are saved in an album along with a small scrap of the fabric for a keepsake. I think it is a lovely tradition. Because it is difficult, if not impossible, for some people to collect the squares just from friends and as an additional bond within DTC groups, swaps are often conducted. In fact, there is an entire yahoo group devoted to the quilts called OHGWQ "One Hundred Good Wishes Quilts" --I am, not surprisingly, a member!!!

Let's just start by saying, I know nothing about quilting. However, I was convinced by a Joann's employee that if I took the Quilting 1, 2, and 3 classes --a total of 12 hours of instruction--I would learn enough to be able to make a simple quilt for Baby Girl myself. So, here goes. I signed up this Saturday and will begin in a few weeks. Meanwhile I've been collecting the fabrics and wishes from others and went out and purchased some fabric of my own to share. As you can see it is pink, of course, and has little garden type pix on it. Some people do fancy wishcards and others are very simple. I decided it would be fun to do something a little involved and VOILA!!! pictured is my creation. It took me about 7 hours to make about 21 of them. I got lots quicker as I moved along. But, it was fun. I wanted something kind of special. Now we'll just have to see how this quilting thing comes along.

I'm going to purchase fabrics for the class quilt cuz I figure I'll make lots of mistakes. Then, by the time I'm ready to make the real thing, it should be quite a bit better. Let's all keep our fingers crossed. The pic is of one of the fabrics I chose to send out and the wish which reads:

I wish you Health,
So you may enjoy each day in comfort.

I wish you the Love of
friends and family,
And Peace within your heart.

I wish you the Wisdom to choose priorities,
For those things that really matter in life.

I wish you Generosity so you may share,
all good things that come to you.

I wish you Happiness and Joy
And Blessings for each New Year.

I wish you the best of everything,
That you so well deserve.

Secret Pal gift exchange...
I've joined quite a few of the Yahoo groups for families adopting from China. Among them are three DTC groups December 2005, January 2006, and Feb 2006, Harrah's, and APC. The DTC groups are really fun, everyone is in the exact same place and so we can all kind of relate to each other. I'm really surprised that I enjoy them--it's not the kind of thing I thought I'd have any interest in-- but they provide a nice support system. Anyway, the groups plan all sorts of fun little things to keep your mind occupied during the seemingly unending wait. So far I've done the postcard exchange and begun the secret pal swap. I've also signed up for some quilt square exchanges but that's a different subject altogether.

Today, I'd had an extremely challenging day at work and when I got home I was really tired and pretty grouchy. Luckily when I checked the mail I found that my first secret pal package had arrived!!! I was so excited!!! What a great assortment of cute little things. The theme for Feb was "Year of the Dog" because of the Lunar New Year. As you can see there's a really cute chinese dog plaque and stand, a beautiful purple ornament, origami baby booties, two little jade dogs and 5 sets of the prettiest chopsticks I've ever seen!!!! There are 4 adult sized chopsticks and one child sized for Baby Girl. Whoever my secret pal is she (he??) sure did a great job. I've posted some close ups:


Thank you so much Secret Pal!! You really lifted my spirits today.

Still waiting on our LID... I know think?? we already have one, I just don't know what it is. I heard today that the families whose dossier's were sent by our agency to China on 1/6/06 received a log in date LID of 1/24/06. That means with our LID should be around the middle of February. I'll be so happy to have one. For anyone who doesn't know, the LID is the date that China uses to line up referrals. So, pretty much they go in chronological order and that's your place in line. The next referrals should be out in a week or two and will be for LIDs 5/13/05 --->?? No one knows for sure but I've heard rumors that they'll go through 6/6/05. That would be more than 3 weeks worth which would be great cuz the last couple sets of referrals have only been for a 2 week period of time. That would mean that referrals would be taking 8-1/2 mos from LID which is not so bad. I've been setting myself up for a 10 month wait for referral so 8 mos would be a huge improvement!!!

There's been quite a bit of talk on APC lately about the ages of children to be referred --its gotten me thinking quite a bit. We requested 5-10 month old girl, as young as possible (AYAP). China considers an infant to be any child up to 24 mos. I personally have never seen a referral that old, except where its been requested, and most of the babies are between 8 and 14 mos old. Lately, they've been even younger, 6-9 mos. Some people are just adamant that there is a baby out there "meant for them" --either in the religious context or not and therefore age is not an issue. Some feel that they have put their trust in the CCAA to match them with the "perfect" child for them. I personally do not feel that way. I don't have the religious connection and I sure as heck don't think that a government worker in a country half way around the world looking at our passport pix and our little commercial (aka dossier materials) has any tremendous insight. I believe they do the best they can. I've heard they try to match up by appearance and personality but, whatever. I just don't think they have enough information about the families or the babies to do that successfully.

One thing's for sure, I know that we will love the child referred to us, that one's easy. Children are so innocent and beautiful and I think human beings are just "built" in a way that when you are put in a position of care of another living thing, not just children here, you love them. I believe that parental love is a natural instinct.

Anyway, point is that either way, I still really do want a child AYAP. I really love the idea of adopting from China but I could have found my child somewhere else. Vietnam just opened their adoptions again and the few referrals I've heard of are for very young babies, like 2 mos old. That's very appealing to me. Of course, we could have gone with Guatemala where the babies are also very young but that just didn't feel like a match. Overall, I think China is the best choice for our family.

So what would we do if China decided to refer our family a child far outside our expectations? A boy perhaps. It's happened. I can unequivocally answer that if we were referred a boy we would request another referral. I love my boys but that's just too different from the experience we're expecting. Plus, I know some families would be so thrilled to have a little boy. How about an older girl, say 3 yrs old? Would we accept that referral? I don't know, I'm not sure. Truly, I hope that doesn't happen but if it did and we accepted the referral, I know we'd love her. Plus I'm sure in the future we would look back and not even be able to imagine our lives without this particular child. Just like Brett and Casey.

I love you Baby Girl, I just haven't met you yet!!!

"And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
You know I will
I will."

It's been a very long time since I have posted. The biggest news is... we are officially DTC!!! On 1/20/06 our documents were sent to China with those of about 10 other families from our agency. What a huge relief. I mean really, its amazing how stressful that part of the whole process it. But, its done and now we just have to wait. First for our LID --Log in Date --the date that determines our place in line. Then for our Referral....

"The waiting is the hardest part

Every day you see one more card

You take it on faith, you take it to the heart

The waiting is the hardest part"

"The wai-ai-ting is the harrrrr--dest part..." I think of that Tom Petty song often which is funny cuz it really is not adoption or baby related but whatever. Waiting really is hard. I guess because there's nothing I can really do to improve the situation. I can't get up early and get started, I can't work overtime, I can't pay an extra fee to expedite, and I can't call someone's supervisor and nudge the process along. I have to just... wait. And, during this active waiting period I can't even log onto the computer and track the progress like an anticipated package from Amazon. I have to just try to get through it without driving everyone else crazy. So here's what I'm doing:

1. Working a lot --bill, bill, bill...
2. Mandarin classes --oh my gosh, really fun "Ni hao"
3. Reading books about China and adoption
4. Endlessly shopping for all baby related items ie. the perfect crib, the perfect crib bedding, the perfect stroller, the perfect high chair, etc.
5. Still trying to choose the perfect name --current fav's Zaidee, Chatelaine, Adeline, Cambria, and Charlotte.
6. Finish projects around the house and general de-clutter
7. Reading every post on all the yahoo groups I belong to searching for rumors of referrals
8. Joined postcard swap, secret pal swap, and quilt square swap
9. Considering taking a quilting class --the lady at Joanne's assures me I can complete a very simple 100 good wishes quilt with very little training. Hmmm I'm not sure...
10. Remembering all the little songs and things I did with Brett and Casey when they were small so I can do them again with Baby Girl like Itsy Bitsy Spider, I Love You So Much, Wheels on the Bus...
11. Driving everyone else crazy with discussion of the above.

All in all, its been just fine so far. Of course, its only been like 23 days so it may get a little tougher but we'll have to see.

On the shoppping issue aka Retail Therapy... I've been considering a new ideas for the nursery, well same idea, different implementation. Here are some other cribs I am now considering:

The Venetian by Bratt Decor --this crib comes with the posts and you can either use them or not. So fancy but not in an over the top way.



Below #1: The Casablanca by Bratt Decor --this is a crib that was featured in the Stuart Little movie.
Below #2: Classic Iron by Legacy. This is the only one of the group I've seen in person and it is GORGEOUS! I wish it came in gold but it doesn't just silver and white.



As you can see I'm really liking the iron crib idea. They're just so beautiful, romantic, classic and extremely well made. Also, there's no furniture matching problems to contend with if I go with a metallic which will make the rest of the shopping so much easier.

This weekend we went to our final baby shopping destination and I found a company that's been in business for years that makes custom crib bedding. They have tons of fabrics and you can mix and match to make a one of a kind set. Really beautiful. Some day soon, I hope to have this all pulled together in my brain and then watch out... the credit card's coming out and I'm doing some damage!!! Until then its search and look, search and look, search and look....

Loose ends: Over the past weekend, we spent quite a bit of time finishing up all the loose ends for the dossier. We still needed to do our pix, get the passport photos for the matching room, etc. I really hate to have my picture taken, I mean HATE!! But, if we want the kid, the pix must be taken. OK. So, we set the camera up in the backyard on the tripod and used the timer and took some snapshots of the "happy" little, albeit incomplete, family. I'm sure my neighbors thought we were crazy. Brett and Casey kept poking at each other and getting up to give us their input which required us to all get set up again. Try to imagine it... "Brett!! Casey!! would you guys knock it off!!! Sit down already!! Would you stop screwing around I want to get this done!!! OK, KNOCK IT OFF, SIT DOWN AND SMILE, DAMMIT!!! Ahh, those happy moments at home. Anyway, I thought the pix turned out OK. Looking at them the following day I actually liked them better. What do you think? Would you give these people a kid???

After the family was sufficiently tortured by sitting through the photo op, Bobby and I went off to WalMart to print the pix out and take the passport photos. Ohmygawd!!! We were there forever. I cannot figure out for the life of me why, oh why, does the stupid printing machine always break whenever I'm there. Then over to the portrait studio for the passport photos-- at least that was quick. If I figure out how to scan them in I will. Bobby has sort of a deer-in-headlights look and I think I just look tired. Anyway, those were OK too I guess. From what I've heard, those are the only pix that go into the mysterious Matching Room. Meaning, the powers that be look at those two little pix and match us up to a little pic of our baby. There's been lots of speculation as to exactly how the matching is done and some people swear that the babies look like the adoptive parent. I'm not convinced, yet. Also, people wonder if the more "attractive" parents are given cuter babies. Mmmm, I don't think so. I've seen some pretty average people get some pretty gorgeous kids and some pretty gorgeous people get some pretty gorgeous kids. Maybe I just think all the babies are adorable!!!

Anyway, the next day, all the pix (and a great, big check) were overnighted to Texas, yipee!

Wow, I forgot to mention that we received the I171H on 1/9/06. Opened the mailbox and there it was!!! Honestly, it doesn't look very important. A person could easily have thrown it away. In the last 10 days it's been notarized and overnighted, certified, expedited and approved, then overnighted again. Whew!!!

Another funny thing, I got a call from HFS on Wednesday saying that they needed for Brett and Casey to write a letter to CCAA expressing their feelings about the adoption. That seemed kinda strange but I guess they just want something in writing from the kids to know they're OK with it. HFS said I could "help" them with it if need be. However, I thought it would be fascinating to read what they actually thought. Both of them mentioned that they thought it was "strange" but that it would be fun. Hmmm... not the rousing words of joy and confidence I hoped for but, what the heck, they're teenage boys.

Anyway, we're all set to be DTC tomorrow, the 20th. CCAA closes for Lunar/Chinese New Year from 1/28/06-2/12/06. We won't know for a couple of months about our LID.