I have been "tagged" by someone to do a "meme" --basically what this means is you answer questions about yourself on your blog. If you're reading this, please also consider yourself "tagged" then post a comment with a link to let me know and I'll come visit!

Here goes:

*Your child's Chinese name (assuming s/he has or will have one)…areyou a) using it as a middle name, b) using it as a first name or c)not using it at all? Why?
I am in charge of the naming, Bobby said I could!!! Pretty much, I've decided Chinese names, 2nd and 3rd, combined as second middle name. Therefore: Zaida Rose ChineseName Crowell

Red threads - yes or no? Discuss.
Not a big believer in Red Threads or people being "meant to be together" at all. I do believe that we will receive the baby that it is perfect for our family because we will love her and accept her unconditionally and then we will never be able to imagine life without her as our daugher. I have developed a fondness for ladybugs but I don't really think they're lucky, just cute!

*What are you most looking forward to experiencing with your child/what do you most enjoy doing with your child?
I'd have to say all of it. We already have two kids and so I often think fondly of the things we will be able to experience again ie. tricycles, singing Disney songs in the car, making cookies, bedtime stories, first day of school, AYSO soccer, school projects and field trips... Yeah!!! I'm also looking forward to some things that will be new with a daughter like pink clothes, hair bows, and dolls!!!

*Have you been reading a lot of adoption books? Any recommendations?
Not a lot. I have read A Passage to the Heart, 1/2 of Wanting a Daughter Needing a Son (I want to finish but its very dry and academic) and, of course, every single post on APC for over a year!!! I also read Chinese Cinderella which is not an adoption book but very interesting.

*What will/do you miss most about your life pre-parenthood?
Well, we've been parents for 18 years so I can't even remember what life was like "pre-parenthood" --however, although I don't know if I'll miss it, jumping into the car to accomplish anything will be more difficult.

*Have you started your nursery, or are you waiting until the timegets closer?
We haven't started but I certainly know what I want it to look like. I'm actually thinking about making the bedding myself since it looks like we'll have so much time but may chicken out. I guess we're waiting til things get a little closer.

*Lifebook - excited to start or terrified of screwing it up?
Of the two options I would say I'm more excited to start than afraid of screwing it up. I've followed the yahoo lifebook site and I believe very strongly that it will be something I will do. Plus, I'm a scrapbooker.

*What hobby do you secretly hope your child will take up and love?
Playing an instrument. But mostly I just hope she finds something she is passionate about. Both my boys have chosen sports and activities I would have never chosen for them but I have grown to enjoy watching.

*Co-sleeping - "well of course" or "maybe but I just don't see any ofus would sleep"?
I don't think co-sleeping is something for our family. I reserve final judgment til she's actually here.

*If you'd had sole choice of your child's name (assuming you didn't),would it have been different? Wanna tell us what?
I have sole choice. Bobby said pick a name then tell him what it is and how to spell and pronounce it and he'll be fine with it.

*Are your family and friends really supportive of your decision toadopt?
Yes, very supportive. I have had a few weird comments but I don't believe any were intended to be unkind.

*What is your biggest fear while in China?
My biggest fear is that we will be referred a child that has severe health issues. I really feel for adoptive parents who arrive to find a child that has life-altering health issues. There but for the grace...

*In the movie of your life, who plays you?
If I'm the casting director I'm going to take some serious artistic license and choose.... Julia Roberts!!!

*Sleeping. Light on, light off?
Whatever, I fall asleep so fast it doesn't matter to me LOL!!!

*China - experiment with food or not?
I'm pretty experimental. There are some things I won't eat ie. rats, cats, dogs, intestines.

*Are you planning on learning some Chinese?Maybe a few helpful phrases.
Actually, I purchased the Pimsleur CD's then took a class at a local community college. Its fun but hard. I stopped listening to the CD due to my general depression over lengthening referrals but I've been feeling better lately and I think I'm ready to start again.

*Will this be your only adoption?
Almost undoubtedly. I wish we could adopt again but its very unlikely.

*To bow or not to bow?
Oh yes, I love the hairbows!!! I'm planning on doing the great big ones for as long as she'll let me. There will be only a very short time when I'll be able to dress her however I want. Oh joy!!!

*What about the 100 wishes quilt?
Definitely. Already started and because I belong to the OHGWQ group I'm planning on making an ABC and a World quilt as well. I've actually taken up quilting with my mom. Way fun!!!

*Favorite vacation destination?
The best place for a family vacation is Hawaii. Its slow, you don't have to dress up unless you want to and everyone speaks english so its easy.

*What TV show are you most looking forward to starting this fall?
I will admit it, I love TV! I want to see Survivor (which just started--groups divided by race, very interesting social experiment), Lost (dumb, I know, but we're addicted) and when the heck does American Idol start up again???

*Patient? Not Patient?I think I am, but the Goobie (quickly) says Not.
Good lord, no. Not at all, not even one little tiny itty bitty bit.

*Favorite sport to watch?
Basketball. Jeez I hope the Lakers do better this year. Can't stand Kobe but I have to root for the hometown team.

*Chocolate or Vanilla?
Ummm... strawberry.

*What's your favorite China adoption blog?
Probably my own. I always feel so much better after I write in it. People I know have read it, its weird to have people you know seeing my inside thoughts.

*Finally what is your guess for how far they will get with referrals this month?
I'm going with the RQ rumor, 8/15. If so I will have 183 more LIDs before mine.

PROGRESS AT LAST!!

I cannot explain the thrill I feel that at least we know that the CCAA is looking at the 2006 dossiers!!! There have been rumors for a few weeks that families logged in in Jan and Feb had been getting calls for additional info. So far, we haven't heard a thing and I'm hoping we don't!! I'm crossing my fingers that we sail through and don't need any additional medical info. We had such a problem with our doctor last time I can't even imagine if we had to go back to him for something.

Unfortunately, although I am a confirmed slave to the Rumor Queen site, it appears that the leaky faucets and loose lips that were a prior source of information about upcoming referral cutoffs, etc are no longer talking. In the words of someone, the CCAA is now "hermetic" with little to no info coming out. However, there was a rumor a day or so ago that perhaps referrals would go through 8/15 --since the last cutoff was 7/22 that would be a very exciting 24 days of referrals!!! That may actually sound better than it is because apparantly there are very, very few LIDs in the first part of August. But, for someone like me, with a 2/13/06 LID, I'm just hoping to get through as many days as possible. There are presently 207 LIDs to be matched before ours, so 24 days would bring us down to 183. That would feel really good and may even make me feel like this thing is possible. Lately, I've really felt like down about the whole situation and have been feeling like its never going to happen.

Today, for the second day in a row, I played hookie from work. I woke up yesterday morning, showered and got ready to go to work and then thought, "umm no, I don't think so." So I stayed home. It was wonderful, so wonderful in fact, that I repeated it today!!! What did I do with my free time you may ask??? Not a thing. Well, I did manage to make it out to Ross and I found the cutest little outfit for Baby Girl. It has very soft black corduroy pants with flowers ebroidered at the hem, a light pink t shirt and the cutest little pink overjacket with black and white zebra print lining!!! I got a 12 mos. I haven't purchased too many outfits but this one was too great to pass up.... $12.99!!!

OK, well off to bed I go now, gotta go to work tomorrow, or do I??????

Brett turned 18 today!!!! Wow, what a strange feeling. He is legally, if not emotionally, an adult. Presumed to know the difference between right and wrong and expected by the government to be responsible for his actions. Hmmm. Did something change between yesterday and today? He had to register for the Selective Service aka The Draft. That was depressing. I love the way they've PC'd it --Selective Service makes it sound like something so special, you have the opportunity to be selected to serve.

We are deep into college planning mode. So many decisions to be made and the outcome is primarily out of our control. I mean, yes we're in control of which schools to apply to and making sure that everything is done on time, etc. But its the outcome that is so uncertain. It seems to be the story of our lives at this point in time. Try, try, try and hopefully something will pan out. I hate "hoping" --it seems so passive. I want to be able to do something about it, to control the outcome. But, I guess I need to recall the Alcoholics Prayer:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and
the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Ok, I know I'm an atheist and not an alcoholic but still its good advice, right? "Accept the things I cannot change" --ummm how do you know they cannot be changed until you try? When do you know you've tried enough? I guess that's where the "wisdom to know the difference" comes into play. The second verse strikes me as very "asian" --honestly, I think it could be one of those chinese poems --the idea that a person must accept and perhaps even welcome hardship as a part of life and a requirement to peace. I don't know about that. Does finding peace require walking a difficult path? Maybe we don't have the ability to recognize peace or happiness until after we have experienced restlessness and sadness. Not sure.

I am trying so hard not to live in the future. I want to avoid spending so much time thinking about where I'm trying to get that I forget to think about today. But its hard.

The Official "Not-so-Great

Wait"

From, and including: Monday, February 13, 2006 (LID)
To, but not including : Wednesday, September 6, 2006

We have been officially waiting:
~~205 days from LID to today, not including today

In other words:

~~6 months, 24 days, or

~~29 weeks (rounded down), or

~~4920 hours, or

~~295,200 minutes, or

~~17,712,000 seconds.

YAHOOO!!! I am pleased to announce that Brett has completed his Eagle Scout project! Not that he waited til the last minute or anything but all requirements must be completed before he turns 18 --boys scouts by definition must be "boys" not 18 year old young men. And when does he turn 18 you may ask???? That's right, about a day and a half from now. He has been exactly one Eagle Scout project away from being an Eagle Scout for almost 2 years. There has been quite a bit of butt kicking going on in our house to make sure he finished it, but it worked!

So, I realize that many of you who are reading this don't really know me but let it be said, I am a wimpy girlie girl. Proud of it too! I detest hard physical labor with a passion. I do like to plant flowers but mostly I like purchasing them and deciding where they go. Usually I plant a couple then Bobby finishes up while I go get cold beverages, cuz like I said, I'm a wimp. OK, now that you have a visual, I tell my story:

Saturday morning we all wake up at around 6 am (hello!!! its a holiday weekend and its, you know, Saturday!!!) rush around to get ready and meet over at the church by 7 am. We end up with a couple helpers cuz like I said, holiday weekend. After making about 20 U turns to try to figure out the detours we make it up to Sky Forest in Lake Arrowhead. It was beautiful but by 11 oclock or so, it was hot!! About 90 degrees. Then began 6-1/2 hours of torturous work. We had to dig 22 holes with post hole diggers, set these huge 10 foot long fence posts with cross bars 11x14 feet, and concrete them in. It was hard. Using a post hole digger is really hard. I dug about 6 of those holes about 18-24 inches deep and I have to tell you, I thought I would die. My chest muscles were so sore the next day I felt like I'd done a quadrillion "I must, I must, I must increase my bust" exercises.

Brett worked really hard and I think he's learned a lot from this experience about organization, etc. Casey was a total trooper, he worked so hard and never whined. I was really proud of them both.

Although throughout the day I did have my doubts as to whether or not the job would be completed in one day, we did finish. Now all Brett has left is the Eagle board of review then it is finished!!! Now we need to get Casey going on finishing up his Eagle stuff. Brett's next step, college applications. Eeeek!!!

This graphic suits my mood perfectly! I am holding on to hope but it is sometimes very tough. My agency's new waiting child list came out this week and I looked at it very seriously. I've looked at all the lists before but have never felt a real connection to any particular child. (Of course, there was this one beautiful little boy that caught my eye once, he was gorgeous, those eyes... but, I already have two beautiful boys, I WANT A GIRL!). Anyway, so I searched the list and found not one but two beautiful little girls whose special needs I felt were something we could handle successfully! I thought and thought about them both, even had a friend's doctor husband look at their medical files (thank you Terrence) and read for hours about their conditions on the internet. Bobby and I talked about it a lot but finally, we decided, it just wasn't right for us at this time. I know that both those precious little girls are going to be snatched up by families that feel that they are perfect for them and I wish them long lives of health and happiness.

So, as always, I hold on to hope that someday--hopefully sooner rather than later-- we will find our little girl. The one that's meant to be ours forever. Maybe we will find her on an upcoming waiting child list or maybe we will have to wait for CCAA but I do think there is a precious little chinese baby girl out there who is waiting for us to be her family, or at least there will be. For now I'm hanging on to that thin red thread with all my might, hoping that the time will pass by quickly and we will find Baby Girl before the darn thread snaps in two.