Today is probably the most down I've felt since the beginning of this process. We're on day 155 since LID and there is absolutely no end in sight. The wait appears to be increasing to the point where with each day that passes we get 2 days further away from a possible referral. There's lots of talk about the wait stretching out to 18 mos, 24 mos, or even longer!! What this means, among other things, is that we would be required to redo our immigration forms at a cost of about $1500 plus update our homestudy (don't know what this will cost yet). Other costs will likely follow. Besides the cost, I wonder at what point we will determine that this plan will not be feasible for our family. When do we say "enough is enough?" I know we're not there yet and waiting an extra year sucks but is still doable. But at some point, if the wait times continue to increase to ridiculous times, we may need to reconsider. As I type those words I feel the tears start. I've pretty much had a pit in my stomach all day long. I want so badly to be Baby Girl's mommy. I have already invested so much into this process and I'm not talking money. The things that have kept me going the last few months ie. shopping and planning for nursery decor, looking at names, reading other's blogs, surfing the yahoo groups, etc. just don't seem to be alleviating the stress of "the wait." I think it must be a common feeling because the number of posts on the groups per day has really decreased.
I can only imagine how much more difficult this must be for couples who do not yet have children. Some people have suffered through years of infertility and failed domestic and international adoptions. I experience my own sadness and know that theirs must be ten-fold. But, for today, I guess I don't have enough room at my pity party to invite them
Today's a bad day.
