Leaving, on a jet plane...
I can't believe it!!! We are packed and ready to go. We each have our checked bag (weighed so as to not exceed 44 lbs), carry on (dimensions no greater than 21x15x7" yikes!!) and our "personal item" (laptop case for Bobby and tote bag for me). We have snacks for the plane, more electronics than it probably takes to get the plane off the ground and all our very important papers. The car seat is installed in the car, plug covers inserted, baby gates ready for set up!!! OMG!!! I'm freaking out!!!

Seven days from now, we will meet Georgiana Rose NianSheng and will officially become a family of 5.

YAHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Nursery

It is basically done!!! Only tiny details are left. Its been about a 2 yr process and boy, what a process it has been! First, about 2 yrs ago, when I thought we were about 1 yr from referral, we bought the furniture. I got it on sale and then had the store hold onto it. They did that for about 6 mos, then they called and said I had to come get it. I guess baby stores just don't comprehend a 37 month pregnancy (application to referral). Silly them.

Then about 1 yr ago, Bombay Kids was going out of business and I was able to get all the bedding, chandelier, shelf baskets, window coverings, etc all for about $300!!! Full price would have been well over $1000 so I couldn't pass it up. When we were about 2 mos before referral, we finally painted the background color. Not sure if you can tell from the pix or not but its a lovely soft shade of green (we had to paint it twice, first color was much too bright) and the ceiling is a very soft blue. Then came the crown moulding. We also changed the closet doors to bi-folds. The old ones were sliders and completely limited access. We also had the door cut into a dutch door in hopes of keeping the cats out. Plus, I thought it would be nice to be able to close the door without it being closed completely.

Then came the painting of the flowers and the fairy. I hand drew it and just painted it in. I think it came out pretty nice and really matches the crib comforter. I even managed to sneak in a couple ladybugs!

Anyway, here are some more pix.

I also decided that we needed a little artwork. I looked everywhere to find something that I thought would look good in the room. No luck. So I finally decided to paint a little picture myself. Add a repainted 50 cent picture frame that I picked up a few years ago and Voila!!! Artwork.

I am definitely not an artist but I'm pretty proud of myself for making something that's acceptable to hang on the wall.

What do you think???

Last thing, the chandelier. It was plain so I bought some beaded shades and dressed them up with a little trim and velvet roses, same thing on the curtain tie backs! I love them, soooooo girlie!!!

Very thankful
Yesterday was a big day!!! My last day of work for 10 weeks!!! I can't believe it... 70 days of no work!!!! Yeah!! Not a minute too soon either because it seemed that until I stopped working I wasn't going to be able to move forward with packing and all the final things that need to be done. On my way home, I stopped by and got the last form I needed for the trip--an immunization form-- notarized. Five minutes and, just like that, the last piece of paper was complete!! Its been a long road.

Today was a pleasant day, very relaxing. I did a streamlined version of the feast just to keep things simple. Brett's home from school which always makes the house feel more warm. Its weird because, when he's gone, I don't really miss him--not in the way I thought I would. He's gone and doing what he needs to do, I'm glad he's moving forward with his life, I feel like he's safe so, overall, its ok that he's not here. But, when he's home, the house just feels more complete. Even if he's upstairs or somewhere doing his own thing, its so much more comfortable with him here.

Its been just the four of us for so long. In just 9 days we will officially become a family of 5. I can't believe it!!! I'm thrilled and, truth be told, a little terrified. We're sailing fast into completely uncharted waters. The slow boat to China that we've been on for the last 3-1/2 yrs has become a speed boat. And, to keep the water metaphors going, I'm a little afraid of crashing and drowning. Is that weird?

I feel guilty being so frightened or even seeming like I'm questioning. There are literally thousands of people who would be overjoyed to be in my shoes. I'm overjoyed to be in my shoes. I know how fortunate I am, not just in the IA sense but in all areas of my life. I have two beautiful, intelligent, healthy, happy children. I have a wonderfully supportive husband who has always been there for me. We are fortunate enough to have jobs that work for us and afford us the ability to have a nice life and put our kids through college. Its all pretty good. I hope this is the right thing. I believe it is but, I'm really getting nervous. Will I be able to meet this challenge?

Travel Arrangements made, visas are in hand!!!
Today was a pretty nightmarish morning at work. I drove in murderous traffic, got screamed at and, to top it all off, had a client make blatantly anti-asian racist comments to me. Yeah, I know. However, the day does end up getting a check in the W column because it was so productive in regard to my quest to get to Georgie!

I got on the phone with the travel agent and in 2 hour-long calls had pretty much everything all wrapped up. The agency's travel person, Lynn, was super helpful and very nice to work with. Almost all of our air travel and hotel is booked with the exception of the Beijing hotel and BJ to Nanchang flight. That will be taken care of tomorrow. We decided to get G her own seat on all the flights for two reasons: first, extra squirm room and second, luggage weight. Buying her a seat means she gets to bring her own 45 lb bag and carry on!!! Yeah!! So now, the only leg of the trip that is possibly problematic is the BJ to Nanchang flight. If we get charged extra, we're just going to deal.

I was also able to pick up our visas in LA. It was super easy and only took about 5 mins from parking the car to pulling away from the curb!!! And, another plus, I was able to pay with my credit card, gotta love them points!!!

OK, so here's the itinerary:
(its been updated a little)

12/1 --Mon: fly LAX to Beijing non-stop
12/2 --Tue: arrive Beijing 5:30 am, check in Novatel Peace Hotel, rest day
12/3 --Wed: Lama Temple, Water Cube, Bird's Next, Olympic Park
12/4 --Thu: TianAnMen Square, Forbidden City, Lunch at local family's house, Hutong Rick Shaw, Acrobatic Show
12/5 --Fri: Great Wall, Summer Palace
12/6 --Sat: fly BJ to Nanchang, prepare for Baby G
12/7 --Sun: Georgie Day!!!! scheduled for 5pm
12/8 --Mon: Registration at Civil Affairs office, notary, apply for Georgie's chinese passport
12/9-12/11 --Tue-Thu: paperwork, bond and shop, hopefully visit orphanage
12/12 --Fri: receive adoption paperwork
12/13 --Sat: fly Nanchang to Guangzhou
12/14 --Sun: free day= bond and shop
12/15 --Mon: medical exam and visa photo
12/16 --Tue: CA (guide takes paperwork to consulate)
12/17 --Wed: receive Georgie's US visa, swearing in ceremony at consulate
12/18 --Thu: fly Guangzhou to BJ then BJ to LAX

Georgie, we're coming soon!!!

Great news!!!
We have our consulate appointment (CA)!!!!! We are confirmed for 12/16!! I was really hoping for sooner but we'll take what we've got. At least now we can finally begin making travel plans. Tentatively, we will leave on 12/1 tour Beijing for a few days, fly to Nanchang then meet Georgiana on 12/7, fly to Guangzhou and have CA on 12/16, and be home on 12/17!!! I can't believe it. We began this process in 8/2005 and now, 3 years and 4 mos later, my dream of having a little girl will finally come true.


My last day of work will be 11/26, we'll have the Thanksgiving holiday with Brett and Casey, then off we go!


I'm so excited!

Just for fun, here's a never before seen photo of Baby G. It's her mugshot, gotta love that hair!!

TA is on the way!!!!

For the last few weeks my morning ritual has been:
1. wake up, shower, dress
2. feed cats
3. check computer for info on TA's
4. call Bobby and say "no info on TA's yet"
5. go to work feeling mildly depressed and slightly numb while muttering pathetically to myself "I want my baby"

But not today BABY!!!! Today was good news! Bobby's been working a weird shift so he was there to read it to. This is what today's email brought:

"Dear Families,Your TA's left China yesterday so they should arrive at HAIM
office on Monday.I'll post to the group. This means we should be able to request
your CA date by Monday night. This should make your weekend much happier.
Patricia"

Yeah!!!!! Of course, we'll meet another slight delay due to the consulate's closure on Tuesday 11/11 for Veteran's Day but at least we have made progress!!!! I'm still crossing my fingers that our CA will be 12/9. There is a very slight chance. More likely it will be later but that's not within my control so I'm just crossing all crossables that it is sooner rather than later. Anything that gets us home as early in Dec as possible allowing for maximum time to be spent with all five of us together before Brett has to return to school is good in my book.

Today's a good day!

More waiting...

I swear you'd think I'd be an expert by now, but no, I'm not. We returned our LOA (Letter of Acceptance) to our agency and everything once again left our control. Our travel group's LOA's arrived at CCAA on 10/10. We are now waiting for TA (Travel Approval) to be issued. Our agency says the average time frame for receipt of TA is about 4 weeks after CCAA receives our LOA. This Friday will make 3 weeks, four weeks would be 11/7, next Friday. It could come later and it could certainly come sooner.

There are actually some people who received referrals when we did who have already traveled to China to pick up their children! Its frustrating. I so very much want to get to Georgie, I want to hold her, touch her and feel her soft skin. Strangely enough, Bobby is quite a bit more stressed out about this part of the wait than I am. He was so calm for the wait to referral but now that there is a real person and not just the hope of a person, he wants to get going FAST!!!

So, we wait. The one good thing about this part of the wait is that there are so many things to do!!! We've been working on G's room. The crown moulding is up (but not painted or caulked yet), the flowers and fairy are painted (but need to be finalized and in some instances redone). We've purchased the car seats, stroller, and high chair but still need safety gates, drawer latches, table corner protector, a crib mattress, formula, gifts for nannies, etc. I still haven't secured day care. Like I said, lots to do.

But, through it all, I think of Georgie... every day, every hour, I think about her. Its better than it was before there's longing and desire to meet her but not the ache of insecurity I felt while we were waiting for referral. Overall, this is a much better waiting place.

Baby G officially has a name!

~Georgiana Rose NianSheng Crowell~

When searching for the "perfect" name for our Baby G, I consulted naming books, hit the net for ideas and thought, and thought, and thought. I wanted a name that was:

--pretty but solid,

--didn't make her sound like a stripper or a ding dong,

--had some history to it,

--wasn't trendy or overtly kr8tiv,

--lended itself to a cute nickname ie. Georgie or Gigi,

--definitely not too common --anything in the top 500 per the social security baby name index was out!

--timeless--could just have easily been used in 1808 as 2008,

--and, would serve her well from babyhood to adulthood, SAHM or corporate CEO, cheerleader or valedictorian.

I like most of the common very feminine names of today: Sophia, Isabella, Juliana, Lily, etc but they are so, so common. So the secret was to find a name that would have the feminine sound I was looking for but not result in her being "the chinese (insert name here)" --that is how Georgiana originally caught my eye.

The name, a derivative of George of course, has been around forever. A woman named Georgiana Pittock had the first of what would become the annual Portland Rose Festival in 1889. Georgiana Darcy was the cultured and kind sister of Mr. Darcy in Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice published in 1813. Georgiana Cavendish (b. 1757) was the Duchess of Devonshire and, interestingly, the subject of a movie coming out this year The Duchess starring Keira Knightly.

Then, what to pair it with. I've always loved the name Rose. Its classic, simple and beautiful and flows so wonderfully with a long name like Georgiana. I did consider some other very lovely options: Lorelei (kind of mouthful), Elise (this was my second choice), Lenore (after my mother), Skye (beautiful but a little too trendy for me), Sage (seemed out of place next to Georgiana). But, I always came back to Rose.

Her chinese name. People have varied opinions but, to me, it was important for our daughter to carry her chinese name if al all possible. G's name was Zhang Nian Sheng. Zhang comes from Zhangshu the SWI where she's been housed since birth and is given to all children who are placed in the orphanage. I consulted with several native chinese speakers on the characters of Nian Sheng. I originally had concerns because the name seemed like a boys name. Traditionally girls have been given pretty, nature-type names with meanings like Gentle Stream, Beautiful Lily, etc. Boys have traditionally been given names suggesting hopes or promises of success for the future. G's name means that she will grow to be an educated woman of recognition and respected prominance. I have been told that this type of name has been more commonly chosen for girls in modern China. It seems to be sign of China's greater respect for the abilities of women. Anyway, it is a "good name" and seems to fit our hopes for G so I like it!!!

I believe that NianSheng is pronounced like "N'yen Seeng" but I will have to confirm that as well as the tones once we're in China due to differences in local dialects.

So there we have it!! Baby G has a name!

Preparations:
OMG!!! What have I been doing for the last 3 yrs??? I cannot believe how much stuff we need and don't have. It doesn't seem like that much but, when a person has to research and think about every single thing like I do, its pretty time consuming. So, we've been doing the best we can and trying to tackle the must have's now and worry about the other stuff later.

Progress:
Car seats: I'm going to get a Britax, probably the Marathon, I just can't seem to figure out the difference between them all. This is one of those things I need to work on.

Stroller: heck if I know. So far, I've been leaning toward the Peg Perego Pliko P3 (say that 5 times fast!!) its fairly light, roomy, big basket, etc. I've also been looking at the Bob. We figure this is a must have that can wait. We'll probably buy a stroller in china so its not a huge deal if we don't choose a larger one until we return.

High chair: I want something that isn't hideous. Problem is, all the good looking ones have issues. I think we've finally settled on the one pictured to the right, the Combi Hero in Wasabi green. Its is height adjustable, one hand operated, converts to a booster chair, looks pretty easy to clean and is not overly huge or ugly.

Cart/high chair cover: these are the greatest inventions ever!! I so wish they had these things when the boys were small. There's a lady on ebay who does custom mades with about a million fabric choices, she also does car seat covers and they can match!! This is probably what I'lll do I just have to get my act together enough to order it.

Clothes: I've been buying clothes off and on for the last 2-1/2yrs or so. But, as anyone who is in the china nsn program knows, it is tough. You just don't have any idea what size or age (for some even gender) your child will be. So, what I've done is buy things from size 9 mos up to about 24 mos. I've only bought on EXTREME sale. Like when Kohl's has their 70% off clearance plus the 30% off coupon. I've purchased really, really nice sets and outfits for like, $1.50 each. I've also hit up the kids resale store every once in a while. Great stuff, pretty much all like brand new many still with tags for like $2 a piece. But, when you buy like this you end up with a strange assortment of stuff. Yesterday, I laid it all out and tried to sort through and figure out what we needed. I think for now, we're good. I plan to do the major clothes shopping once we return so I'll know exactly what size to get. I'm sure I'll be doing a little shopping in china as well.

Nursery: We have the furniture, I bought it over a year ago. The background color of the room and ceiling are painted and I've started drawing out the figures. Bobby got a good start by priming the closet doors but those still need to be painted. We have the chandelier but we don't have the ceiling medallion I wanted yet. We still need crown moulding. The closet is still full of stuff. Yes, there's lots to be done.

Anyway, we are slowly moving forward. I'd really like to get this stuff done with because in a few weeks we'll be needing to make travel arrangements and getting ready for the trip in general. Lots to do!! Very exciting!!

We received our referral packet from HFS!!

I waited for the DHL and made a run for the door when I saw the truck! I opened the door with a big Hello! and asked if I could take his picture. He hmm'd a little then said "ok" I explained to him that he was delivering my baby. When he looked at the sender, Harrah's Adoptions, he got a big smile and said "sure" --thanks Mike the DHL guy!!!

The actual pix of Baby G look even better than the emailed ones did! Interestingly, the mugshot one that I wasn't too pleased with yesterday, now looks adorable! The info we received is mostly in chinese but some can be figured out. Her stats at birth were:
weight: 3.2 kg --a little over 7 lbs!
length: 49.70 cm --19-1/2"




Things she can do:

~Hold her head up while lying on the stomach
~Roll from supine to prone position by herself
~Sit alone quite steadily
~Tear paper!!
~Grasp toy near hand
~Crawl on hands and knees
~Locate the direction of sound/voice
~Hold blocks in each hand at the same time
~Look for a dropped toy
~Visually follow moving toys
~Reach and grasp a toy beyond
~Follow someone by moving head from side to side
~Laugh out loud!!!
~Eat biscuits without help
~Distinguish between strangers and acquaintances
~Turn head when name is called

Under personality they checked: active, restless, has a ready smile, fond of toys and music, obstinate sometimes, fond of games, quick in reaction. She sounds like quite the little firecracker!! I notice they did not check: quiet or fond of quietness!

It is said that she is closest to her caretaker and then there are several characters written in chinese. Not sure if that's a name or what at this point.
Harrahs sent this little bracelet as a gift to Baby G. The card has the chinese symbol for "love" stamped on it. The card reads:

"The Chinese symbol of Love brings our warm welcome to your precious little one. We are blessed to be a part of such a beautiful miracle!

Love,
Your Harrah's AIM Family"

One day later...

and another picture! I'm sitting here waiting for DHL to bring my referral package. The office in our house, thankfully, faces the street. Every time a car drives past I look quickly to see if its the truck delivering my baby. I'm not quite sure why I'm so excited. My understanding is that everything we get today is in chinese. But I want to snap the delivery person's pic like I've seen in so many people's blogs, so cute!!

So, while I'm waiting, I'm going to record yesterday morning's events and the "Referral Call":

I had to work... I was so bugged. If I would have been more sure on friday that the referrals had been sent, I would have made arrangements to not have to work. By saturday, I was pretty sure we'd be getting our call on monday morning.

Sunday night I stayed up way too late snacking and watching the new shows on TV. This was done to keep my mind calm for monday. It worked pretty well.

Monday morning I woke up early and went right downstairs to check RQ blog. It said referrals were arriving in Europe and they'd be hitting the mid west agencies that morning as well. I was thrilled and NERVOUS!!! Called Bobbyat work and gave him the update. Ran upstairs and got ready for work as fast as I could go. Back down to check RQ, referrals were arriving on the east coast!!!! Called Bobby again. Called my mom said "its happening today, I've gotta go, I'll call you later"

At 8am I really had to leave the house. While driving, I called Bobby again then my secretary at work and asked her to check the Harrah's yahoo group for me. She told me HFS posted at 8:05am that referrals had arrived!! they were sorting through them!! and would be making calls that afternoon!! They're in Texas so that's 2 hours ahead of us. I figured they'd be calling my around 10am. By this time I was so nervous, I don't even think I could see straight.

I showed up at my appearance a complete and utter wreck, explained to my concerned opponent that I needed a continuance due to a "family issue" --Hello??? I'm having a baby here, I definitely think this qualified for a continuance, don't you?? Drove to the office, dropped off files, made some arrangements for my afternoon and next morning conferences to be covered and darted out the door. The plan being to go home, get the call, and then wait for Bobby to open emailed picture.

At 9:40am I was talking to Bobby while getting into the car when their was another call coming through. My heart stopped as I looked at the number... it was my AGENCY!!!! I told Bobby, hold on a second, its them!!!

Me: Hello.

Her: Susan??

Me: Yes.

Her: This is _____ from HFS, I...

Me: (interrupting) I know who it is!!!

Her: I have some news for you. You have a baby girl.

Me: (unintelligible utterance)

Her: She's just beautiful!! She's a beautiful baby girl and her hair (giggle) her hair is kind of sticking up on her head. She was born January 7th.

Me: What year??

Her: 2008.

Me: (crying) Can you hold on a sec? I want to write this down.

(it was only at this point that I realized I was not writing any of the info down, my pretty ladybug paper I had planned to create for documenting this moment had not been created--I'm not really sure why that was in that I had 3 yrs to do so... anyway. So then I start rummaging in my car for a pen and I do mean rummaging. I opened the glove box and started flicking things out onto the floorboard. Napkins, calculator, restaraunt coupons go flying. Aha!! A pen!!! Now paper... hmmm search, search. Aha again!! a post it!!!

Her: Her name is Zhang Nian Sheng. She's at the Zhangshu SWI in Jiangxi province. She weighs 7 kgs (I had no idea at the time but apparantly that's about 15 lbs) She said some other stuff too but I don't remember what it was. My mind went a little blank. She did say that the pix would be emailed within the hour and the referral packet would be sent to us by DHL the following day. Then that was it.

I called Bobby and told him: We have a little girl, almost 9 mos old!!! I told him about the orphanage and stuff too but Bobby says he couldn't understand a word I was saying!!! Since I was still in the parking lot of work, I ran back inside to share my good news with my co-workers. Hugs, hugs!!! I must have looked a little crazed because my boss actually asked if I needed someone to drive me home LOL!!

On the way home I called everyone to tell them "its a girl, its a girl, I have a baby!!!" I called Casey and caught him between classes "you have a sister!!" he seemed pretty happy!! I kept calling Brett at school but couldn't get ahold of him. Bobby couldn't leave work until 11am. He didn't think I could but I promised to wait to open the pix til he got home. I finally got Brett on the phone and told him. He was excited said "wow! this isn't just paperwork anymore, there's a real person now!"

I talked to Bobby from the time he left work and kept telling him "come on, drive, drive" Finally, he was home and we opened the email together...

First pic: mugshot. I've seen tons of these by now. Not usually the best shot. Totally understood the giggle about the hair. There's tons of it, coal black!!! She has very fair skin, cute as a button nose and lovely symmetrical features.

Second pic: sitting in the office chair. I was so excited because usually referral pix have the kids totally bundled up and you can't see their little bodies. Our little girl is wearing a short sleeved onesie (I think the pix were taken in July, when it is hot!!!). You can see her sweet little toes, squishy little arms, and chubby thighs!! First thought: she looks so healthy! She seems to be sitting up on her own too so it seems she's physically fairly well developed.

Third pic: in the waker. She's making a little smile. Its the one showing the most personality and was, at first blush, my favorite. Again, she looks healthy and well taken care of.

Then, more calls, posts to RQ and assorted yahoo groups!! Emails galore. A very happy day. Bobby printed out the pix. Bobby and I decided to do lunch (for some reason we didn't do chinese food as planned and did Olive Garden instead). We did take our printed picture with us to look at. Also put "her" in the cart at Costco, just for fun!

Since then, I can't stop looking at her pix. My baby. Finally, after all these years, I have a baby girl!!! I feel a ssnse of peace and calm I haven't felt in an awfully long time.

Where is Baby G???

We have been told she is currently residing at the Zhangshu Social Welfare Institute in Jiangxi Province.

Jiangxi is shown on the map below in pink in the south east section of the country. It is said to be a beautiful area with tall mountains and fresh water lakes. The climate is warm and humid in summer and cold in spring and winter (I checked out the temps on weather.com, I think we'll get lucky at the beginning of December, not too hot, not too cold) Jiangxi is home to Poyang Lake which is the largest fresh water lake in China and has a large habitat of white cranes. The province is best known for porcelain **I think there's some serious shopping potential here!!!**

Zhangshu City is in the center of Jiangxi Province. The area where the orphanage is located is quite poor with many families involved in the farming of rice. The entire city has a population of 536,000 (which seems like a lot to me!). The orphanage is said to be a rather small one with a very small IA program. One family who traveled in 3/08 said there were only about 20 children there at that time. It seems, and I could be wrong, that they only place a few children per year. The families that have adopted from the orphanage have said that the director cares a great deal for the children and that they are generally very well cared for (what a relief!!). The nannies live with the children with 3 cribs and one nanny per room. I have a feeling she is going to be very attached to her nanny. This is great for attachment to the adoptive parents but very, very hard at first for the grieving child.

Here is a picture I found of the Zhangshu SWI on the net:

It seems that children are received in Nanchang which is a large city about 1 to 1-1/2 hrs to the north. Some families have been able to visit the orphanage and others have not. I would like to do this if at all possible. Even if aren't able to go into the orphanage, I'd like to at least see the area where Baby G spent her first mos of life. We'll have to see if this will be possible.

Here she is!!!

I'm in LOVE!!!! She looks healthy and well taken care of! Her hair isn't really sticking up so much as there's just a lot of it!!! Ooooh, I need hairbows, great big floppy ones!!!

Bobby says no but who cares????!!!!

IT'S A GIRL!!!!

Name: Zhang Nian Sheng
Orphanage: Zhangshu, Jangxi Province
DOB: 1/7/2008
weight 2 mos ago: 7kg (not sure what that is in pounds!!!)

they said she has hair sticking straight up off her head!!! She laughs out loud, watches people and has a ready smile!!! I'll have the pix in about an hour. Bobby will be home in about 1-1/2, then I'll post them here.

I cannot believe this has finally happened. I feel so relieved and happy!!

Harrah's posted....
at 8:05am PST, referrals have been received for 2/13/06 families!!! I should be hearing something soon!!! OMG!!! This is happening, its really happening... to me!!!!!!!!!!!

I realized that I never did a referrals post from September 2. These are all families from my RQ Feb 2006 room. They are so beautiful and, only a few weeks later, making plans for travel!!! We should be on a list like this soon. Can't wait!!!

M&M’s Mommy
Journey to Kavanna
Journey to Lydia
Searching for Kassandra
Becky
Waiting for Lily
Baby Gasser
Our Journey to Malia
Lin Family
ChinaBabyBarnes
Baby Sun9shine

Waiting for Lily

The following families in the SN program would like to share their news:
Room for at least One More
Journey to Kelsi Rose

Update:

the bad rumor aka "the rumor which will not be named" has now been replaced with a new rumor... a good one!!!! Supposedly, referrals will be normal (you know, the new crappy normal of a few days but whatever). And, to add to the excitement, a member of my RQ feb group posted that her agency has informed that 2 packages have left CCAA en route to her agency!!! One of them must be referrals!!! That means that referrals could start arriving as soon as MONDAY!!! OMG!!! Of course, it could be Tuesday.

To think that at this moment we have likely been matched with the little person who will become our child. More than likely, we have a child, we just don't know who she is yet. Isn't that weird??

I'm so excited and nervous I can hardly contain myself!

Click... click... click... click....

That's the sound of the coaster heading up the ramp. What a week already. I checked the RQ yesterday ---was it really only yesterday??? it feels like so long ago---anyway, I checked the RQ yesterday morning and found the following: "Really bad first rumor"

Before even reading what the rumor was, my heart sank. I felt immediately ill. But then I thought, what could this rumor be? I mean, how bad could it be?? CCAA only has to do 2 stinking days for us to be included in the next batch, surely we will not be affected by any rumor no matter how bad.

Yes, you guessed it... a one day batch. Un-freaking-believable. The way its being laid out is that because of the poisoned baby formula (they're calling it "tainted" but let's tell it like it is, shall we?) CCAA is going to be doing a tiny little batch.

Here's the excerpt from RQ:

"because of the bad formula issue, there will not be as many referrals this
month, and the cut off may be the 10th. The source says that the CCAA is talking
to the orphanages and finding out which were using the affected milk and which
were not. It is unclear if the small month might be because they are busy doing
this and don’t have time to do many matches, or if they are only going to refer
the babies from orphanages not using the bad formula."

Of course, I'm not sure this really makes any sense at all. Neither explanation has any logic to it whatsoever. Next week is a holiday in China, CCAA will be closed from 9/29-10/3. If the referrals aren't mailed tomorrow before they leave on vacation, they won't be going out until at least the 6th. Mailing them out on the 6th doesn't make much sense either. So, who the heck knows what's happening.

On to the poison formula. I am so mad, angry and sad about this. I cannot believe that anyone would attempt to increase profits in this fashion. It just doesn't make any sense at all. For the first time during this entire process, I am mad at china. I'm at the point where I don't trust any of their agencies at all! I don't trust my US based adoption agency either for reasons I won't discuss right now. I am so tired of being lied to over and over.

I'm exhausted from this process. I'm out of tears. I really just want it to be over. Stop the ride please, I feel sick, I need to get off.

Over the last few days...we "celebrated" our 31 month LID-versary. Thirty one months and four days ago our dossier was logged in at CCAA. Of course, we didn't know the precise day we'd been logged in until a few months later. Nevertheless, on that day, our paperwork was briefly reviewed by a clerk of some sort, stamped, and placed in storage with the dossiers of approximately 30,000 other hopeful families.

When we originally sent our dossier off I was so happy and relieved to have all that paperwork behind us. Brett was finishing the second half of his junior year of high school, Casey was a freshman, and I foolishly envisioned taking Baby G to Brett's football games in the winter of that year, 2006. Certainly that Christmas would include little girl things. Little did I know that two Christmas seasons would pass without the need for any dollies or pink items under the tree.

Now I sit, smack dab in the middle of the fall of 2008, ever hopeful that not another holiday season will be celebrated before our family is complete. We shall see. Intellectually I believe that we will be included in this next batch but emotionally, I'm having a hard time letting my guard down. Month after month has brought mostly happy stories for those who have waited and waited their turn. Likewise, each month there seems to be at least one sad story of someone being skipped, a referral made far outside of expectations or even dramatic and life altering occurences that prevent families from completing their planned adoptions. I try very hard to remember that for most it works out well and allow the stories of the less fortunate to shift to the back of my consciousness. There the bad thoughts sit, huddled up in a dark corner, hidden but not forgotten.

Most days I muddle through but some days the stress of the situation has been too much and I've felt like I was going to burst from frustration over this process of waiting and waiting and waiting for something that may never happen. At the same time I have to face the fact that, even if it does happen, it may not turn out to be the positive experience I've been hoping for.

Its all just a giant crapshoot and, at this point, the dice are still rolling.

Happy Birthday Brett!!

Today, Brett turned 20!!! Wow, my first baby is no longer a teenager. It's pretty hard to believe. I keep thinking back to when he was small. He learned to walk very early (7 mos!) by 9 mos he was running as fast as he could go away from me!! When he was 3 or so he had the most beautiful hair which was cut into a step cut --very popular at the time. He would have his bath and while his hair was still wet we'd come it to make sure there were no tangles. Once dried we'd just have him sort of shake his head back and forth and his hair would lay perfectly.

Brett was born with, and of course still has, beautiful long eyelashes. When he was first born they were so fine that they were actually a little hard to see. But now they've grown into thick long lashes that frame his beautiful brown eyes.

Its funny, when my kids were small I was always waiting for them to get a little older so they could move on to the next step. It felt like I was always in such a hurry. Now I wish we could have all those moments back to live again.

Today marks the second decade of Brett's life. He's getting ready to return to college in just a few weeks. It will be fascinating to watch what the next 20 yrs bring for him.

I love you Brett, with all my heart!