Pot watching: month 18So, here we are. Yesterday marks our 18th month since LID. I chose this pic to commemorate this seemingly important date because it kind of looks like what I might imagine a dodo bird looking (Ok I realize its probably supposed to be a rooster but whatever!). I do feel like I'm going a a little nuts. This wait seems never ending. As everyone in the China IA program is probably aware, we signed on "when the wait was 6 mos" --that time has come and gone.
I'm not feeling very positive today. Over the last 18 mos I have had to deal with: the Hunan scandal, the bird flu, the toy recall, the Olympics issues, the new rules re: weight, income, singles, illness, anti-anxiety meds, as well as I171 updates, medical updates, homestudy updates, financial updates, etc, etc, etc. The latest news is that CCAA may begin or has already begun referring children with "repaired" special needs (SN) as NSN. With all these changes its hard to believe that all of us haven't gone a little crazy. I mean truly HOW MUCH MORE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TAKE????
S0me PAPs believe that there is divine intervention and that they would accept the referral of any child "God chooses for them" --as I've stated before, I disagree. But what I really wonder is where does this end? Is there a point where the referral is so far outside of your request or your expectation that its ok, in your mind, to refuse without CCAA wrath. Should you be required, as a waiting family, to adopt ANY child referred to you? What if you asked for a AYAP NSN girl (the most common request) and you were referred a NSN 10 mo old boy? many would say, that's fine, that's what fate/CCAA/God/"insert your higher power here" thought was best, we accept. What if the referral was for a healthy 7 yr old girl? or a 2 yr old boy with a heart condition? or a highly functioning 6-1/2 yr old girl with spina bifida? or a 4 yr old boy with ambiguous genitalia? or a 2 yr old deaf child? I guess each family would have to make their own decision. Personally, on that small list, there are some I would likely accept, and some I would not.
This whole process is getting scarier and scarier. And with each new ripple, we are constantly being told by "them" that IA is a "leap of faith", "its about finding families for children not children for families", "we wouldn't have a choice if they were bio kids", and the other China families' rhetoric. The fact of the matter is, it does work out for most. Most people who adopt from china don't have many problems at all, their referral is basically what they expected and they're very pleased with the child they are referred and finally parent, and that's good. But what if you're not one of those lucky ones-- does it really matter to you if 499 out of 500 China adoptions go fine if you're that 500th family? I would say, probably not.
This is a very uncertain process. It isn't helped by all the changes that have been made to the program over the last year or so. I also think that having access to so much info has made it a little scarier. I'm certainly not opposed to having more info but it does bring the negative more to the forefront which, in turn, seems to increase stress and worry.
So, 18 mos down and ????? to go. I can only imagine what rumors and info will come along in the next 8-10 mos or so. Hopefully its something good for a change!
