 Freaks and Geeks:So, we went to Venice Beach yesterday... Bobby's been wanting to go for awhile. Some time back, we decided that we've lived in Southern California all our lives --a place that people from all over the world love to visit-- and yet we have never seen many of the sights. We've also been trying to save money by not going on a big vacation. Therefore, we came to the conclusion that we could take many mini-vacations from work (Thurs-Mon) and check out some of the truly interesting things to see right in our own backyard! Its been working out great. For anyone who has never been to Venice Beach, I can tell you, it was pretty interesting. The weather was fantastic, truly beautiful, the kind that postcards are made of. There were many, many freaks and several geeks (including Bobby and me!!!). I saw more dred locks than I've ever seen in my entire life and some pretty amazing tattoos! Muscle Beach was almost vacant but the street performers were really interesting including one acrobatic-type show that impressed the bejeezers out of me --a guy did a front flip over 10 people!!! on the concrete!!!! without a mat!!! or a spotter!!!! Eeeek!!!Other things I saw: --a guy with all the hair on his head shaved except two little "horns" sticking up dyed red and tattoos of flames coming up both calves offering to let people take a pic with him for money--a perfectly typical-looking African American man late 50s wearing a polo shirt, also offering to let people take a pic with him for money--several street vendors selling anti-Bush/anti-war stuff--a little-person with no legs, maneuvering himself with his hands laying tummy-down on a skateboard (he was quick too)--the rattiest, dirtiest looking clown you could ever imagine (honestly, it looked like he'd been sleeping in a trash can for years) offering to make balloon animals for a dollar --I didn't see any takers--a man selling reggae kid's music: think "Itsy, Bitsy Spider" Marley style, it was actually kind of cool, I was thinking about buying a CD but for some reason didn't--at least 10 tattoo/piercing businesses in a 1/2 mile and at least as many people selling incenseAnd, probably the most memorable: --a unhealthily over-tanned guy wearing skin-tight dolphin shorts and nothing else with a cardboard sign reading "fat girlfriend needs cheeseburger, donations accepted"Anyway, it was lots of fun and, other than having to pay $20 to park, a fairly inexpensive outing. I'd strongly recommend it to others as a great diversion.
 Summer Solstice Many people are aware that summer solstice is the longest day of the year (the day with the most sunlight) and the first official day of summer. In the northern hemisphere it falls on June 21 or 22. It also happens to be our anniversary!!!
This year's was kind of a special one because June 21 marked our 21st year of marriage! It was a very nice day although pretty low key. We actually ended up going to one of those Indian casinos and playing video roulette. OK, I know that may not sound like fun to everyone but it was GREAT! Very relaxing and takes absolutely no thought and very little planning --the less brain power needed for fun, the better I always say! We've been trying not to use up too much vacation and save money and stuff so we've been taking this mini breaks from work Thurs--Mon, return to work on Tues. Its amazing how much more pleasant the work week is if you only have to work M-W, take off 5 days, then work T-F. Yeah!!!!! Totally makes life bearable again!
 16 mos. I'm not sure what to think today, the day that marks 16 long mos since our LID. Who would have or could have ever imagined that at this point in time we would be in the middle of our wait?? It seems to almost defy belief. Amazingly, the families who will get their referrals next were only logged in 3 mos after us but we will likely not recieve a referral until 10 mos after them! In a way, it feels good to have so many months marked off and only 98 more LIDs before ours to be referred. But, on the other hand, its hard to believe that we originally started this process in September 2005. That seems like so long ago. When we filed our application with the agency, Breatt was only 15 and Casey was 13 and, more importantly, I was only 39! Ok, that does feel like a long time ago. The homestudy sw is coming over on sunday to do the update, she should be here about 15 mins or less. Let's see if she manages to piss me off in that limited amount of time. Last time it only took a few mins, she might be able to break her record this time. I'm not looking forward to doing all the crap it takes to renew and I'm not looking forward to spending another $1500 for the pleasure. But, what can you do. Speaking of money, it appears that airline tix prices are going through the roof. Probably a combination of summer, general fuel prices, and just overall increase in prices in China. I can only imagine how expensive things will be if we travel just before the Olympics, which is what I expect. More fun.
I love blogthings! Its so fun! | Your Vocabulary Score: A- | 
Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary!
You must be quite an erudite person. |
Click on the link above to test yourself if you want. I must have missed one :-( I betcha it was phlegmatic, what the heck does that mean? Hold on, I'll be right back... Yup! that was the one, just checked it out on dictionary.com
 REFERRALS ARE OUT --A WHOPPING (NOT) SIX DAYS WORTH!!! Holy Crap!!! This is getting ridiculous. Of course, because of the safety of my pessimistic nature, I was only hoping/expecting that they would get through 11/8/05 --that being RQ's bad case scenario. So, this news doesn't sting too much. What does sting is this... I called my homestudy agency about renewing today, looks like it's going to cost about $545 for the I600, $500-700 for the update, another $50 or so for new meds, $240 for new prints, we'll need another notary, etc, etc. I guess it will end up being about $1300-1500 --how stupid is that??? Oh well, I guess at this point, its just money... So, what does this latest batch do to the estimate for our referral? There's a website, www.chinaadoptionforecast.com that uses some kind of computer program to estimate based on the history of referrals. Here's what mine says today:
"Our prediction for LID 2006-02-13
Our best guess - a weighted average
of recent CCAA velocities, guessing that CCAA will perform about as well in the
future as they are performing now, but might return to previous trends: 2008-01-16
That's our best guess
for when you might receive your referral. Just at a guess, we can suppose that
the CCAA either speeds up or slows down significantly, and show you those dates.
If they speed up: 2007-11-16.
And if they slow down: 2009-03-20."
Uggh!! Before this last 6-day batch of referrals, their "best guess" for our LID was 12/10/07 --not that I believed that for even one second. I'm sticking with my own "best guess" of May 2008 for the time being. Its that "And if they slow down: March 20, 2009" that scares me!!! Its been a tough week all around in a lot of ways. When it gets like this, I feel like running away or going to bed and pulling the covers up over my head for about a month. Well, on to next month I guess. The next batch should show up right after July 4th holiday, I'd imagine. 98 more LIDs to ours, sigh. So here are the babies. Congrats to all the happy new families!
 BOOK REVIEW: The Good Women of China by Xinran Xue Just finished reading this book last night. I started it a while back and was reading it a little at a time. It was my "work" book meaning I would read it while I waited for my opponents to show up. The reason I mention this is that I think it would have been better read more consistently. The book was written by a woman who was a journalist of some acclaim in Beijing who did a radio broadcast addressing the issues and lives of women. The stories are heartwrenching and surreal in that the lives that many of these women have led are so far removed from my own that its somewhat difficult to connect to them. Interestingly, no matter how troublesome the facts of these women's lives, the author presents them with great respect and intentionally avoids portraying them as victims or people in need of pity. The final chapter tells the story of the women of Shouting Hill circa 1995. Shouting Hill is described as being located in a very remote and exceptionally poor area of China where water is scarce and some have never seen a car. The women of this area are treated as work horses whose primary purpose is to bear male heirs and care for their husbands. After giving birth to a son they were treated to a "feast" of a single egg mixed with sugar and water. No such prize awaited the women who gave birth to a daughter. This area was so poor that the families did not have enough clothing for all the children. Male children had a set of clothes but daughters were required to share a single set of outerwear forcing them to only go out of the house in shifts. In this village the men described conjugal relations as "using" their wives. Some poorer families could not afford a wife for each son so they shared a single wife, "using" her in turn in hopes of her giving birth to a son each year. The story of the women of Shouting Hill is absolutely bizarre. What is even more strange is that the author is describing the lifestyle of these women in 1995 and not 1595! I so wonder what has happened in this little village in the last 12 years since the author's visit. Have the lives of these women improved? Are the little girls the author met then now living lives where they are being passed around as a shared wife? We know of course that China is exploding but has that explosion reached remote Shouting Hill? Are these women still being treated as cattle? I googled but couldn't find any additional information. I cannot say I enjoyed this book, rather it is more accurate to say that I'm glad that I read it and I would recommend it to others. The stories are so sad and yet the women seem very accepting that their lives were what they were. They don't seem to harbor anger over their mistreatments and often seemed to distance themselves from their own story. I, on the other hand, am haunted by them. (5 stars)
 Mother's Day & 15 month LID-versary:It was a nice day. I woke up to find gifts!! Bobby got me a swarovski crystal ladybug (pictured to the left) and a really pretty pillow with silk ribbon embroidery on it. I'm not big into "ladybug sitings" but I do think ladybugs are cute and had noticed the little crystal bug at a local gift shop recently. You can't tell from this pic but it is tiny, about 3/4" in length. Its so cute, I love it!! It also happened to mark exactly 15 mos that our dossier has been logged in at CCAA. 15 mos down and ??? more to go! Bobby had to work this morning so I went with Casey and my mom to Victoria Gardens to see Spiderman 3. Casey thought it was dumb. My mom and I both thought it was cute and fun! Then, Brett met as for lunch at Sisley's, a new italian place right by the movie theater. Because we went to an early movie and I had made reservations for lunch, we ended up having to do absolutely NO waiting! It was great. That's the part of going out on Mom's Day that I normally hate --the waiting. Then, we went to a teppan place with Bobby's mom, Jimmy and Sandra for dinner. It was nice. Overall a very pleasant day! 
So tomorrow's Mother's Day! It always makes me think about what kind of a mom I am and what my kids will think about me when they're adults and maybe have kids of their own. Of course, I also think about my future daughter and what she will be like. Last year, for Mom's Day, Bobby gave me a very sweet card that said something like "next Mother's Day, you'll be a mother of three" --we all really thought it was true at the time. But, I'm pretty sure it will be true next year. So here's to mom's!
You Are Somewhat Like Your Mom
|
Believe it or not, you and your mom are pretty darn similar.
It may not seem like it at times, but you and your mom have a lot of common ground.
Over time, you'll probably get closer ... especially if you emphasize the things you like about each other.
|
 The old blog got a new look!!! Of course I'm so blog ignorant that it took me literally hours to get this far. So here I am! Yeah!!
 This is pretty sad. It was 11/05 when I originally posted this "sonogram" --I didn't know how to make it a banner and I wanted it to stay at the top. So, I just changed the date of the post to 1 year later. Surely we would be home with Baby Girl by 11/06. Sadly, that date has come and gone with no Baby Girl even close. So, I've edited this post to 11/07 so it will stay on top. I'm hoping that we will have our referral by then. If not, I'm going to be REALLY bummed. I've been cleaning up my blog and making it much prettier (IMO!!). Therefore, I've decided I'm letting this go today. Its never going to happen by 11/07. I just need to move on.
You have a sunny disposition and are normally one of the first to show up for the party. You don't need too much attention from the host once you get there as you are more than capable of making yourself seen and heard.
"Trendiness" IIStacy (and others)~ I appreciate your opinions. Stacy is the only one who left her comment in the comment section, the rest PM'd me. Although you may have read it that way, I don't have an "aversion to people who adopt because it is promoted at their church" per se--but I do believe that it is a great source of the "trend" and I believe that trend will fade. The future will tell. I can appreciate the woman in Stacy's example and am hoping that the "love" of her child as an individual person will far outweigh the woman's goal of performing a charitable act and that the young girl can truly become a respected member of her family. Now, truthfully and sadly, in this young girl's situation, to be a charity case in a family who cares for her and educates her is probably a huge step up from her current living situation and hope for the future. But whether one version of a person's life is better than another version of their life is unknown and not for me to decide. And, to set the record straight, I don't really have a problem with children (bio or adopted by the way) appreciating and being thankful for their parents who have loved and cared for them. I appreciate and am thankful for my mother who cared and raised me and I hope someday my kids (bio and adopted) appreciate and are thankful for me and DH as parents. I very much appreciate them for being good kids. I met a man recently (it was a weird work situation and I had to see him a number of times over a few mos). He and his wife had adopted 4 Native American children. He was very proud of them and was telling me about their various accomplishments. It was obvious that he cared for them. He also told me, repeatedly, that adopting them was the only "charitable" "humanitarian" and "good" thing he had ever done. To me, it seemed that the appreciation of his own good deed outweighed the love he had for the children. Selfish love = personal gain. I don't think that's the right reason for adopting. But, I don't want to/get to/have to decide who can adopt and who can't based upon whether or not their reasons are the "right" ones. So, this is just my opinion. Others may differ, and that's OK.
 ADOPTING IS THE NEW BLACKInteresting. Apparantly this is a new tshirt being put out by Urban Outfitters. I've never bought anything there, never even been in one of the stores. Recently, the existence of this tshirt has caused quite a stir on the online IA groups. I was intrigued that some people thought it was "racist" --at first they didn't understand that "the new black" meant fashionable --really had to chuckle on that one!! Anyway. Once that was cleared up it still appeared that the overwhelming majority thought the tshirt was horrible, awful, and over the top offensive. I guess I'm in the mini-minority here. It just doesn't have that effect on me. Like it or not, IA has become part of the mainstream--quite suddenly really. And, its not primarily because its been going on with Korean adoptions since the 50s and thousands upon thousands of families have been created this way. Its because of Angelina Jolie, not her really, but the media's preoccupation with selling magazines that keep certain people in the public eye so that mega rich corporate movie studios can get people to go to the movies and buy the DVDs and they can make even more MONEY!!!! On another group, someone made the very accurate point that all of this media frenzy is very effective. How long ago was it that Paris What's-She-Do?? Hilton started carrying around a little dog in her purse. People and US and all the other fun to read mags had pix of it. Suddenly, little tiny purse dogs were all the rage. Target has a whole aisle devoted to cute little doggie items and accessories to go along with the pets. The onslaught of media coverage was very effective and started a huge "trend" --the trend is waning now. I see that Paris now is dragging around a new kind of creature in her bag. Hopefully all the little dogs who were bred and adopted are now still being cared for carefully and not abused or dropped off at the local shelter. Little dogs, particularly chihuahuas are a lot of work. Definition of "trendy" from dictionary.com: 1. of, in, or pertaining to the latest trend or style. 2. following the latest trends or fashions; up-to-date or chic: the trendy young generation. 3. appealing to faddish taste: a trendy hotel. –noun 4. a trendy person, place, object, or idea. [Origin: 1960–65] I know some will blast me for this, but I think IA has become a bit "trendy" --it is in "style" and commonplace to many due to the media and celebrity involvement. I know for a fact that there are people who are adopting for what I will call "THE WRONG REASONS" --on this blog I get to say what "THE WRONG REASONS" are because, well, its my blog. The wrong reason is: As a charity project --complete with church-sponsored save-an-orphan spaghetti dinner fund raisers. These are the same people who believe and say to others of China "they kill their girls there" and want to feel good about themselves about doing this charitable thing and want to be seen as saving part of the world through their actions (I'm sorry if this hurts someone's feelings but YUCK!!!) This, my cyber friends, is the trendy part. Now, if you disagree with my statement you are more than welcome to write in your own blog about how my reason is "wrong" --my reason for anyone who is still reading or even cares is: Because we want to add a member to our family
And, for the record, I believe quite strongly that the majority of people adopting do so for this reason, the right reason. They have had fertility issues, they chose adoption because they believe that they don't need to give birth to a child in order to have a child, etc. But at the core is the desire to parent and not to do a charitable act.
To those "trendy" adopters who are entering this process due to the "trend" I really hope that somewhere along the way, sooner rather than later, you get with the program. Because when your kid disappoints and frustrates you (which will happen I guarantee at some point in time cuz well, they're people) you're going to be pretty unhappy that they're not more appreciative of your charitable act.
As far as the "trend" for IA --I believe it too will pass. Eventually, AJ with or without Brad will complete her little family, people will move onto something else to talk and think about. There will be fewer links on the front page of msn.com to IA sites. People will look into it and think, wow!! that's a lot of work!
But, there will always be people who want to build their families and add a new member for whom adoption is the answer and they will do research and finally be led to IA.
Families will still be made this way but, it won't be "trendy"
Found this on someone else's blog (Thanks Nicole) --thought it was fun. Copy, paste and complete then send me a link if you want. A is for age:40 --but I will be 41 in about a month B is for Beer:Don't drink, used to, liked Corona with a lime :-) C is for Career:Attorney D is for my Dog's Name:Cat only, Delilah E is for Essential Item I Use Everyday:Internet! F is for Favorite T.V. Show:I'm a TV junkie so I have lots of fav's but I think my current fav is Rome--I love that show! G is for Favorite Game:To play: Scrabble; to watch: basketball H is for Hometown:Rancho Cucamonga I is for Instruments I Play:Piano a little bit J is for Favorite Juice:Cranberry anything K is for Whose Butt I’d Like To Kick:George Bush aka the Shrub (baby bush LOL!) --I hated Bush when hating Bush wasn't cool L is for the Last Place I Ate:Besides home?? Rambertos --hole in the wall mexican food M is for Marriage:Married 21 years N is for my Name:Susan O is for Overnight Hospital Stays:Other than when the kids were born, I was hospitalized twice as a kid for concussions P is for People I was With Today:work people Q is for Quote:"What goes around, comes around" R is for Biggest Regret:Not having more bio kids when I was younger and not adopting sooner. S is for Sport:Shopping??? T is for Time I Woke Up Today:6:00, 6:10, 6:20, 6:30 --then I got up U is for Current Underwear:White --so boring V is for Vegetable You Love:Pretty much all except zucchini --ick! W is for Worst Habit:Is grumpiness a habit? If not, then maybe biting my nails X is for X-rays I Have Had:Many. But I think we should change X to "X is for most memorable kiss" --you can just visualize if you want. Y is for Yummy Food You Ate Today:Breakfast burritos Z is for Zodiac:Gemini
 Today is Sunday. Referrals, such as they were, came out last Monday (I think. I'm kinda losing track of days here). I finally feel up to (capable of??) posting. As anyone in the China adoption world probably knows, this April batch only covered 2 days, Oct 25 and Oct 26, 2005. To say that it was a kick in the gut would be putting in mildly. This wait has been very painful but this referral batch was truly the low point. I'm not much of a crier, never have been, but this one got to me. To wait and wait is tough but to wait for something with an semi expected date that moves exponentially further and further away on a monthly basis is surely some form of torture. When I first saw the referral batch, I was numb. I mean truly when is the last time that anything positive has happened as far as the adoption goes?? We sent off our dossier on 1/20/06, we were logged in about 3 weeks later on 2/13/06. I have been telling myself we would have a referral in about 12 mos for just over 14 mos now. How can this possibly be happening?? The only thing that makes me feel better is looking at the line behind us. Honestly, those people who are being logged in now must have a lot of faith in the process. There are 111 more LIDs ahead of us but people continue to be logged in everyday. I can't imagine if my LID was 4/16/07. Imagine trying to do the count down starting at 545 LIDs ahead of you? In the last 13 mos, CCAA has only covered 5 mos of LIDs, if they continue at that same rate we should have our referral in less than a year. If they continue at that rate those logged in today might not see the face of their child until 2011!!! (Gulp!!!) Anyway, on the bright side, many families were formed with this last batch. Looking at the pix of those little babies makes the wait a little more bearable (and I mean a little). So here they are: MiaRuby MeiZoeyMilana LingElysa XiaolangLauren MingReaganTeaganClara BethSamanthaAudreyLolaMarninaChun babyMadelynSophie ElizabethMeiliCameron--boySavanahGeordyn BelleMarissa
Some 3/6/07 referrals: Shania - Fu Bao Jun, 14 mos, Fuling SWI Chongqing Waiting for Melina - Lian Ai Ning, 7 mos, Guangdong Journey to Lindsey - Lindsey Jean Zhi-bin, 10 mos, Guangdong Journey to Jaiden - Ling Qian Huhan, 10 mos, Jiangxi province For Zoey - Jin Chun Hua, 11 mos, Jiangxi Meaghan Grace - Zhu Min Zhu, 14 mos, Guangdong Table for 6 Elaina Rae - Xi Zhen Rong, 7 mos, Kunming SWi, Yunnan Ainsley's MeiMei - Yue Meng Ru, 7 mos, Jiangxi Christiana - Fu Bao Fang, 9 mos, Fuling SWI, Chongqing Countdown to Caroline! - Ling Cha Jian, 8 mos, Jiangxi Beatrice - Baohong Fu, 10 mos, Fuling SWI, Chongqing Journey to Caty - Huang Wang Cui, 7 mos, Hubei Emily & Rachel's Dad - daughter, 12 mos, Gunagdong Our Magical Mystery Tour - Fu Hao Huang, 21 mos, Hubei Bringing Home Peanut - Feng Xiaojiong, 7 mos, Fengcheng SWI, Jiangxi Here's Isabelle! - Isabelle, 14 mos, Chongqing Journey to Maya Lily - Lian Bao Yan, 11 mos, Guangdong And Mia Makes 3 - Feng Xiao Lei, 8 mos, Jiangxi MalloryJae LynCora-li
I've been thinking a lot about the infamous 5 stages of grief and sorrow. They usually pertain to grief due to the loss of a loved one by death or even divorce. But, it seems that in a way, this prolonged, unexpected and painful wait has been the death of an idea--the six months from LID to referral idea. I believe that those who were logged in at about the same time we were (11/05-3/06 or so) really got the brunt of the slow down. When we began the process, full months of referrals were still the rule --expected LID to referral 6-9 mos. Right about the time we were DTC, 1/20/06, the sh** started to hit the fan so to speak. Massive slow down. One month with 3 LID days of referrals, ouch. There is no doubt in my mind that by the time we get our referral (which, barring any additionaly slowing, should be around October or November of this year) our group will have waited longer for a referral than any other China adopters in the history of the program 20-21 mos plus the 1 month from DTC to LID. Those who logged in after us will surely wait longer but had already started to see the evidence of the slowdown. Those who were logged in before us were of course also shocked by the slowdown but ended up with waits of about 16 mos or so (still painful of course). I believe that I have experienced each stage of grief, in order, in varying degree and duration. I've certainly seen them all expressed by others in the many online groups to which I belong. The 5 stages (and my interpretation of each) are: 1. denial --"there's no way this can be happening, I refuse to believe that we will not have our referral within 6-9 mos as I was promised by my agency, the referral times will certainly speed up, these changes are merely temporary and will have little affect on us in the long run", etc. --I saw a lot of this on the boards for the first few months of the slow down. There were some people who absolutely refused to believe that wait times were lengthening, exponentially. Some on the Yahoo groups became literally incensed if anyone dared to express a belief that we, with 2/06 LID's, would not be home with our children by Halloween, and later Christmas, 2006. It was as if they believed that the mere recognition of the fact that wait times were increasing would somehow cause a longer wait. --personally, I tend to be a pragmatist, and somewhat negative and cynical by nature. I didn't live in the land of denial long at all. 2. anger --"this is ridiculous, how can CCAA be doing this to us, someone must be to blame, my agency intentionally misled me", etc. --during this next stage I read of people even considering lawsuits against their agencies. I was angry for a while, not at anyone in particular, just generally pissy. 3. bargaining (pleading) --"surely there will be a change soon, these drastic extensions in the referral process cannot go on forever, this will be the month they will speed up, the wait is due to the bird flu, the Hunan scandal, CCAA moving offices", etc. --I spent a little time here, pleading with the process, imagining how things could be different. 4. depression --this one is rather self explanatory. I've tried very hard not to get depressed but it creeps in. I've spent quite a bit of time being intermittently sad and frustrated. Sometimes it really hit me. The waiting, at times, felt so empty and even hopeless, it was actually physically painful. I think you actually would have to be in the process to truly understand this emotion. I miss and long for a person I havent' met yet. It's weird. I felt pretty sorry for myself and continually lamented the fact that we hadn't begun the process sooner. And now, I enter..... 5. acceptance --TA DA!!! "it will happen when it happens, I will get my baby when the time is right, there is nothing I can do to speed this process--I can only control my feelings and reactions/response to the process", etc. --Here I am. It's official, I have accepted that I have absolutely no control over these circumstances. I recognize the process for what it is. I no longer feel that sense of anger with the fact that the world isn't fair. I don't harbor any false hope that there will be some divine or other intervention that will magicly speed the process and I haven't shed a tear in quite awhile. OK, I've arrived. Now what?
 A letter to CNN: I had heard that Paula Zahn was going to be doing a piece on Chinese adoptions last night and was bummed to missed it. However, after reading the transcript I was completely shocked at how adoptive and prospective adoptive families were portrayed. Horrible! I also could not believe the number of inaccuracies stated as facts by her so called experts. I agree with what others have written that the way to truly gauge a news agency's reporting is to watch a report on a subject with which you are very familiar. After doing so, CNN gets an F- Here's a copy of my email sent to CNN regarding this report: I am writing to add what must be many negative comments you have received regarding your piece on Chinese adoption last night. I am surprised that CNN would spend valuable time reporting on an important issue and have it completely filled with inaccuracies. I'm shocked! The new restrictions outlined by China were fairly accurate however to have the "experts" focus on their presumed reasons why people choose to adopt from China and get it so wrong is shocking. Have any of these people ever known or spoken to an adoptive family?? Where did they get their facts? Our family is in the process of adopting a child from China having begun the process in September 2005. Before we began we researched all available options including domestic private adoption and adoption through the foster care system. We chose the route that was best for our family and it had absolutely nothing to do with race, at all! It certainly was not in hopes of adopting a super child who would someday be a doctor!! That is ridiculous. Do you know what potential adoptive parents are put through in order to adopt in this country??? A couple can spend years and up to $100k advertising themselves to potential birthmothers in a giant beauty pageant, complete an adoption and then have the birthfather show up later to reclaim the child. The laws of many states really work against adoptive parents and have had a considerable chilling effect. As far as adopting an African American child in the US this can be very difficult for a white family. Black social workers for years have stated very clearly their preference for black children to be placed with black families and have often held up adoptions of willing white couples. I believe many families who choose to adopt internationally have very little concern for race. In fact, adoption from Ethiopia is becoming extremely common with many families not just celebrities "who are doing the right thing." Another point that was incorrect is that Americans will next be adopting from Muslim countries due to the availability of children there. Well, there may be many orphans but they are certainly not now nor will they ever become available for adoption. Adoption from Muslim countries at this time is impossible and very unlikely in the future. Get your facts straight, contact the state department. Finally, I just want to state that after reading the transcript of the show I am utterly shocked and severely dismayed that CNN would portray potential and adoptive parents from asian countries as racists! Your so-called experts had no idea what they were talking about and quoted as facts things that were clearly and easily determined to be incorrect. I have lost all respect for CNN broadcasting and Paula Zahn's show and fact checkers and it makes me seriously question the validity of anything else I have seen on the show in the past. I have been a fairly frequent viewer of CNN and Zahn's show but after this shoddy reporting on a subject with which I am very familiar and informed any reporting by CNN will be seriously tainted. Disgusting and disappointing for a news agency of this presumed caliber!
 OK, so they did 19 days, not too exciting really. Supposedly 9/29/05 is a monster of a log in day. In any event we're now 140 LID's away from ours. If they continue to do approximately 19 days worth of LID's per referral batch, that would put us at 8 batches away from referral or maybe Sept/Oct. That would be great actually! I can't believe when we started the wait was 6-8 mos and now I'm thrilled at the prospect of a 20 month wait. I sooooo wish that CCAA would update the Review Room. I'm sure our dossier has been reviewed but boy will it feel great when I can see it in print. We've been in there forever. In the meantime, names I'm currently considering: Georgianna Skye Willow Rose Zaida Rose --zay-duh Chatelaine Rose (OK, I really like Rose as a middle name) Lavender Elise Feel free to comment on your fav!
One person's dream is another person's nightmare:I admit it, I'm a blog, you tube junkie! I love to check out other people's blogs and follow their stories while in China. I always do the same thing--scroll down til I get to the Gotcha post so I can see the pix and then daydream about my own will-get-her-someday Gotcha Day. Then I read the rest. BUT, I have to admit, I always look into the eyes of those beautiful little ones and wonder what they're thinking. They must be so confused and terrified. For many who have been in the orphanages, rather than foster care, it seems it must take a while for it to sink in. They're probably used to having many caretakers. At first, they probably think "OK, so you'll be feeding and changing me for awhile" a sort of "Today's caretaker to be played by --insert strange looking caucasion mom and dad here" --but then later when they come to the realization that their world has been turned upside down, it must be terrifying. I've read of many little ones being taken back to the hotels with their new families and the child searching the room for their mama. Looking and searching for the only people they've ever known and not being able to find them. The ones who have been in foster care, it seems like they might catch on quicker that something's not right. I recently read on the RQ about a family who adopted a 2 yr old. On Gotcha Day, the poor little girl was crying hysterically and speaking in Chinese. The family asked their guide to translate. The little girl was pleading "Please, I'll be good, take me back to my mommy. I'll be a good girl" over and over. It's heartwrenching. I have two boys, I remember when they were two, we were their whole world, their only understanding of safety and comfort. Here is something I lifted from the net to try to make people understand the emotions that these kids must feel: A Different PerspectiveImagine for a moment… You have met the person you’ve dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by “soul mate,” for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow. The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day’s events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world…the person who will be with you for the rest of your life. The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner’s arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face. But it’s not him! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved? You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn’t understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back. . .even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay. But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him? Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn’t speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn’t seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone. You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact. Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He’s finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don’t understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it. More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you? You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried. The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you. You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy. The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to “get along.” You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation. Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair. Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you’ve ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you’ve never heard before. He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you’re used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black. You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to asleep. People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy’s hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you’ve fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness. Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you’re hanging on for dear life, you’ve learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along. Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait. How would each of us handle all these changes?How would this impact us for the rest of our lives?
 Word of the day: bushwhacked: boosh-wak-t. verb, past tense meaning to attack suddenly from a place of concealment, ambush. I think this should actually read Bush-whacked as in yowzah, the Republicans got a major smackdown from the Dems in the elections. Of course the main reason for this seems to be the US people's general disgust at the way our government is being handled by the Shrub (baby Bush for all who aren't in the know re: my own personal jargon). Its too bad so many of my fellow Americans have been walking around in a haze the last 6 yrs waving flags and choking down the lies that have been crammed down our throats over and over and over again. Let's go get Saddam--he's to blame for 9/11, they have WMD's, the Iraqi people want capitalism and will rush to greet us with open arms, vote Republican and bring back morality to our country, "Mission Accomplished", etc. Um NOT!!! Make no mistake, this was not a pro-Dem vote, this was a we're-sick-of-Bush's-crap vote. This vote says: "We're sick of lining the pockets of the rich and keeping the elite (top .001%) of the American people living in uber-luxury as the regular folks (read this as "anyone who doesn't have a trust fund") incur federal debt at a level which will keep the US in the red until my grandkids have children while American jobs are being outsourced to whatever third world country is the cheapest. We're sick of being lied to at every turn by a man who thinks its folksy that he can't deliver a speech in intelligible english. A maverick who sends our military men and women into danger but showed up late or not at all for his own military service. A reckless attempt of a civil servant who has made the US appear as terrorists to rest of the civilized world." That's what this election result speaks to. Finally, people are experiencing an awakening and asking, "Why are we doing this?" Answer: So we can protect a bunch of oil interests. People, lots of them, are dying for OIL!!! The result: the Democrats will now have a majority in both the Senate and the House and the icing on the cake??? A female Speaker of the House! Now, I don't really know too much about our soon to be Madam Speaker but aren't these interesting times?? What could be on the horizon?? a female president? POTUS Clinton II perhaps? Although I really do believe that the best person for the job is the person who should have the job regardless of gender--I can't help but turn up a little smile that a woman has finally attained this important position. I think its probably the same pride that the Catholics felt when JFK was elected, it just had never happened before. So, what's on the horizon? Not sure. I'm hoping it will be better if even just a little tiny bit. Truth be told, although your reading of this may leave you thinking otherwise, I don't really feel in line with the DNC's platform. There's tons that the Dems stand for that I really don't. This may have some unpleasant results. But, just for today, I'm going to revel in the fact that Bush's obnoxious smirk has been at least partially and temporarily wiped from his smug face. I've said it before and I'll probably say it again: I hated Bush when hating Bush wasn't cool. Finally, perhaps, the peaceful will inherit the earth.
 YIPPEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!Can you believe it!!!! They actually got up to the 25th!! This is really good news. I know it seems bizarre but the 23rd would have been horrible. Hardly anyone was logged in on those days and it would have represented a considerable slow down. The 24th is a huge log in day. There was even some talk that the day may be split for referrals but it wasn't and they actually were able to squeeze out one more day! What this means for us with a LID 2/13/06 is this: if they keep going at this rate we could get a referral as soon as the end of April 2007! That seems almost unbelievable as I have been setting myself up for a worst case scenario that's pretty bad (April 2008). Of course, things can slow down more, no doubt about it and I really think we're still looking at next fall but I can dream!!! At least at this point I feel somewhat confident that we may still travel next year and not be affected by the Olympics which was becoming a concern to me. No one knows for sure what will happen with IA during the Olympics but there is speculation that they may shut down completely for some time. I hope that doesn't happen to anyone but I really hope it doesn't happen to us!!!Anyway, today is a good day! I can't wait to see the pix (probably tomorrow) of all those beautiful little faces. When I get to work 16 more paperclips will be coming off my paperclip calendar and the number of LID's before mine will be changed to 173. At least this is progress!
|
4 days, ugh! 
